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I failed. I fucking failed.
All this week I've been struggling with my modified 5/3/1 to the internet computed version which hits far closer to my limit than my program from a few weeks ago. Today was deadlift day, and I was going to set a new pb (personal best / peanut butter). Last week I did 360 3 times; as a warmup I did 350 for 3 reps today.
I waited a little over 3 minutes and tried my weight. I not only thought I could do it, I really thought I could do 405 (4 plates). Well, the internet failed me, my math failed me, and my me failed me - I started the lift, came up a little, but was struggling. Then my back started to round and it was all over. I thought I could probably do it anyway, force it like I used to - but when I forced my weight it often led to blowing out my back for 3 weeks or more. So I let it come back down. If I was going to fail, at least I learned to fail smart.
I was close though, so I cursed, bowed down in a secular prayer at the bar, and walked to the clock. I gave myself 5 minutes for full recover to try again. I felt like I was close, and perhaps I didn't really focus on squeezing my butt enough; perhaps I could have held my mouth different or something else was just off enough to disengage my chain. So I knew it was serious, I checked everything, and tried again - only to not even make it as far as last time.
There was no fixing it, so I prayed at the bar and cursed and cursed and prayed and apologized. I then did my two tiny sets of 10 reps with 225. While I did this, a guy bigger than me and 3 racks over was bouncing about 185 off the floor on his deadlifts, loudly. It should be noted these are not bumper weights designed to be dropped; they're metal weights with no rubber around them and the concrete floor has some padding but is also not designed to have big weights dropped on it. A guy beside him was learning deadlifts and had 10lb plates on his bar. The bouncing the non-bouncing weights loudly off the floor guy gave the 10lb plate guy unsolicited instructions (rather than advice) on how to do it right (though his form notes were correct). The girl directly beside me was doing some pretty impressive front squats.
I do care about the people around me. I'm competing, even though I know it doesn't matter, even though I pretend like it's no big deal, in my head I'm appeasing my short chromo by pulling down bigger trees than the thumb-monsters around me so they can see. I then smile politely and eat their ticks. Maybe I should eat more ticks so next time I don't fail, fucking fail, fucking fail at my lift.
All this week I've been struggling with my modified 5/3/1 to the internet computed version which hits far closer to my limit than my program from a few weeks ago. Today was deadlift day, and I was going to set a new pb (personal best / peanut butter). Last week I did 360 3 times; as a warmup I did 350 for 3 reps today.
I waited a little over 3 minutes and tried my weight. I not only thought I could do it, I really thought I could do 405 (4 plates). Well, the internet failed me, my math failed me, and my me failed me - I started the lift, came up a little, but was struggling. Then my back started to round and it was all over. I thought I could probably do it anyway, force it like I used to - but when I forced my weight it often led to blowing out my back for 3 weeks or more. So I let it come back down. If I was going to fail, at least I learned to fail smart.
I was close though, so I cursed, bowed down in a secular prayer at the bar, and walked to the clock. I gave myself 5 minutes for full recover to try again. I felt like I was close, and perhaps I didn't really focus on squeezing my butt enough; perhaps I could have held my mouth different or something else was just off enough to disengage my chain. So I knew it was serious, I checked everything, and tried again - only to not even make it as far as last time.
There was no fixing it, so I prayed at the bar and cursed and cursed and prayed and apologized. I then did my two tiny sets of 10 reps with 225. While I did this, a guy bigger than me and 3 racks over was bouncing about 185 off the floor on his deadlifts, loudly. It should be noted these are not bumper weights designed to be dropped; they're metal weights with no rubber around them and the concrete floor has some padding but is also not designed to have big weights dropped on it. A guy beside him was learning deadlifts and had 10lb plates on his bar. The bouncing the non-bouncing weights loudly off the floor guy gave the 10lb plate guy unsolicited instructions (rather than advice) on how to do it right (though his form notes were correct). The girl directly beside me was doing some pretty impressive front squats.
I do care about the people around me. I'm competing, even though I know it doesn't matter, even though I pretend like it's no big deal, in my head I'm appeasing my short chromo by pulling down bigger trees than the thumb-monsters around me so they can see. I then smile politely and eat their ticks. Maybe I should eat more ticks so next time I don't fail, fucking fail, fucking fail at my lift.
