Walking home like I _was_ the glory hole

I was scared to try my lift today. I think it was a pb, if not it was close to it. This round of 5/3/1 has not been fun for me because I'm not able to do more than the measured amount anymore. When it says 5, I get 5 and no more on each and every lift. Today I was scared - 305 was the 1 or more lift. Even when I started my warmups I felt stiff, tired in the lower back, and very fucking insecure. I made a deal with myself that if I did fail I'd wait 5 mins and try again.

I was watching the clock. Gold's has videos in the Rosslyn gym that have a constant stream of commercials (mostly for themselves) but also usually has a digital clock running in the corner. I timed my lifts for every 3 mins. I started a little late on my 305 lift. However, I "snapped out of it" in time for the lift. I asked the question in my head - what if I don't make it? The answer was simply then I fail. I laughed out loud. I did that thing, that thing where I hup!/snap to attention and pop my head under the bar. I did the lift, low, and strong. So strong, I pushed for a second I was sure I had. Or mostly sure, because I did fail - only on #2.

I'm tired. My knees creak. I'm not sure why I'm doing this. But I'm still hoping to hit my goal and honestly I may slow down after that. But I haven't hit that goal, though I haven't failed either.

Sometime today I'm going to nap like a baby.