![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I against eye
Aug. 31st, 2011 07:45 amI used to think my feelings were more important than anyone else's. I know that's common and that all 13-year-olds feel that way, but I think I carried that longer than most (being stupid).
At work I have to remember my feelings aren't important. If I think about the unfair treatment I get upset, but if I don't I can reflect on other things:
1. I work at home 3 days a week on average. I rarely wear socks. And then some.
2. When I do work in the office it's a 45 min metro rail commute each way, and fully subsidized. I'm saving mondo stupid commute time and money.
3. I know my Agency, the players, have a good reputation, and have made many shortcuts in my job. I'm still not as fluent as I'd like to be, but I'm confidently able to do my job. If I keep at it, this job may even become flat out easy - but not so easy that I get bored.
4. I love this work. I love catching liars and making fun of people while getting paid for it. I love supporting hard-working people who tell the truth against opportunistic liars who try to shirk their lives and suck off the dole. Often at work I get to console the hurt, reassure the scared, and educate people that yes - doing right is rewarded even if you have to wait for it.
5. I'm probably not going to get fired or even laid off.
I have some other issues though, as I've just again applied for a job outside my Agency. I keep failing at being lazy.
1. I went to grad school partially out of being too lazy to really knuckle down and get a real job, partially out of ill-researched ignorance. Sure I worked hard, but it was work I already knew and I was scared to learn new things or venture out.
2. I got a government job with the intention of just learning that job, doing it for 30 years, then retiring. When I got good at my job, my goal was to make my job as easy as I could.
3. I went to law school, again hard but something I was used to, again something that I not only researched poorly but also ignored advice by say...lawyers...about the lack of congruence between my goals, expectations, and law school. My goal was again to work hard up front, and then coast and live simply.
That's my overall life plan that I keep both failing at and having success in other areas:
Work hard now to coast later. See also Eat vegetables before desert, and savor desert.
So this could be the period of time, for 10-25 years, in which I coast. I could coast - working hard for periods of time sure, but ultimately not getting in over my head and making up for hard work with vacation time.
However, there are drawbacks. My constant burning insecurity leads to a drive to avoid the fear of unforeseen future risks:
1. My skills are in a tiny area of law
2. I'm not in a lawyer career track, even though I'm called a "Litigation Specialist."
3. My Agency is facing budget issues (however, my skills in LR and ER are fairly marketable throughout the government) so employment isn't as secure as it used to be
So I applied to a job as an actual lawyer in an actual OGC in another gov Agency that has likely secure funding forever. However, I've been there before and they're stuffy. I wouldn't be looking forward to the possible growth in my legal skills, but it would benefit me career-wise to learn other areas (such as contract law). I'd likely lose my sock-free lifestyle for a long period of time (they like people to be in the office so any dink can wander down the hall and rap at you before ignoring your advice, begging you to clean up, then whining about how you couldn't fix the situation they created to their liking).
I have other life planny things to think about and stuff too.
People think I work hard in the gym. The gym is easy - I'm used to it. The gym to me is like your family is to many of you - you're used to it but they would likely kill a stranger who came to dinner.
http://vimeo.com/26135993 SFW (thanks Steve)
You know what is hard for me? Me, who has worked out since he was 13? Stretching, reading, researching, and worst of all - changing my program. I can go to the gym and hurt myself every day, but re-reading the manual for 5/3/1 is something I can hardly bear to do. New? Read? Absorb and change? Ugh!
No conclusions, just questions and a relaxed pace to try and figure out if I have the right questions and data before I even attempt to formulate answer choices.
At work I have to remember my feelings aren't important. If I think about the unfair treatment I get upset, but if I don't I can reflect on other things:
1. I work at home 3 days a week on average. I rarely wear socks. And then some.
2. When I do work in the office it's a 45 min metro rail commute each way, and fully subsidized. I'm saving mondo stupid commute time and money.
3. I know my Agency, the players, have a good reputation, and have made many shortcuts in my job. I'm still not as fluent as I'd like to be, but I'm confidently able to do my job. If I keep at it, this job may even become flat out easy - but not so easy that I get bored.
4. I love this work. I love catching liars and making fun of people while getting paid for it. I love supporting hard-working people who tell the truth against opportunistic liars who try to shirk their lives and suck off the dole. Often at work I get to console the hurt, reassure the scared, and educate people that yes - doing right is rewarded even if you have to wait for it.
5. I'm probably not going to get fired or even laid off.
I have some other issues though, as I've just again applied for a job outside my Agency. I keep failing at being lazy.
1. I went to grad school partially out of being too lazy to really knuckle down and get a real job, partially out of ill-researched ignorance. Sure I worked hard, but it was work I already knew and I was scared to learn new things or venture out.
2. I got a government job with the intention of just learning that job, doing it for 30 years, then retiring. When I got good at my job, my goal was to make my job as easy as I could.
3. I went to law school, again hard but something I was used to, again something that I not only researched poorly but also ignored advice by say...lawyers...about the lack of congruence between my goals, expectations, and law school. My goal was again to work hard up front, and then coast and live simply.
That's my overall life plan that I keep both failing at and having success in other areas:
Work hard now to coast later. See also Eat vegetables before desert, and savor desert.
So this could be the period of time, for 10-25 years, in which I coast. I could coast - working hard for periods of time sure, but ultimately not getting in over my head and making up for hard work with vacation time.
However, there are drawbacks. My constant burning insecurity leads to a drive to avoid the fear of unforeseen future risks:
1. My skills are in a tiny area of law
2. I'm not in a lawyer career track, even though I'm called a "Litigation Specialist."
3. My Agency is facing budget issues (however, my skills in LR and ER are fairly marketable throughout the government) so employment isn't as secure as it used to be
So I applied to a job as an actual lawyer in an actual OGC in another gov Agency that has likely secure funding forever. However, I've been there before and they're stuffy. I wouldn't be looking forward to the possible growth in my legal skills, but it would benefit me career-wise to learn other areas (such as contract law). I'd likely lose my sock-free lifestyle for a long period of time (they like people to be in the office so any dink can wander down the hall and rap at you before ignoring your advice, begging you to clean up, then whining about how you couldn't fix the situation they created to their liking).
I have other life planny things to think about and stuff too.
People think I work hard in the gym. The gym is easy - I'm used to it. The gym to me is like your family is to many of you - you're used to it but they would likely kill a stranger who came to dinner.
http://vimeo.com/26135993 SFW (thanks Steve)
You know what is hard for me? Me, who has worked out since he was 13? Stretching, reading, researching, and worst of all - changing my program. I can go to the gym and hurt myself every day, but re-reading the manual for 5/3/1 is something I can hardly bear to do. New? Read? Absorb and change? Ugh!
No conclusions, just questions and a relaxed pace to try and figure out if I have the right questions and data before I even attempt to formulate answer choices.
