Nuthin about nothing

When I'm on the road posting makes me feel more connected. I think the feeling is illusory. I miss thinking that things were different out across the US - sure it's more conservative and people seem to watch the national news less, but thanks to internet and cable cultually the differences have all but vanished. There are rednecks in the city with trucks and line dancing, and emo kids and fauxhawks in Garden City, KS. I think more people let you merge and hold the door for you out here, but I suspect that manners are simply different based on how many people are around. In the city, it's rude to break the wall of silence and nobody has time to greet the hundreds of thousands you pass in a day. Out here, long spaces of no contact make it more awkward not to say hello? Did the farmers next door hear me watching Ru Paul's drag race? Were they watching it too?

I still, every day, cannot figure out why sports are on the "news."

I'm still working my ass off. I have TONS boiling on all my cases, and enough have risks...I'm supposed to be on leave next week and it's hard not to just cancel based on the work that needs doing. I get torn between feeling like I know what I'm doing, wishing I had the time to really do each case right with far more legal research and investigation of facts or interviews of all potential witnesses, and realizing I do much of my job through autopilot, knowing the series of events from beginning to end without having to look anything up. How long would it take me to investigate a PI claim, a criminal case, or even just to file per the rules any any-court, USA?

While I did manage to run on the treadmill last night, I feel flubby. Perhaps I'm not used to florescent lighting, perhaps I should be. In staying more serious on my strength program, today after my deposition I've scoped out a local YMCA to work out in. I miss those days when I thought travel was a valid reason to drink and eat in restaurants, but not the reason for my "mysterious" weight gains. My icon is what...2 years old? Most of my washboard pictures, to be honest, fell after bouts of sickness. Maybe I should volunteer to babysit for some of my friends, or help out at daycare, to catch a virus (damn flu shot keeping me healthy) and drop lbs. Sigh, then I'd be out my strength too. I never did post my pictures with the power-squid...but now they just seem like a lie. I love what my body can do, but I keep the unrealistic expectation that I should look like the side of a ck box.

Thanks to snow I'm nervous I might get stuck in the Denver airport, unable to get a hotel even on emergency basis. I've spent the night in an airport and have no desire to repeat the experience.

(no subject)

That was hard. It's hard enough not getting drunk or eating gobs of restaurant food while on the road. However, I'm fat, broken, and weak so I find it easier to stick with my program - especially because I'm taking my workouts on a schedule of growth far more seriously. So, today after my deposition, I ...

Ok first I ate too much in a fairly nice mexican restaurant (recommended by a meximerican) in which I got a mammoth chickiveggiebeanyburrito that was not fatty, at least compared to the usual fatty cheese covered mexican fare.

Then, 2 hours later when I realized I was still full but I risked letting evening fall, I went to the Garden City YMCA. I didn't know where anything was, some of the equipment i wanted wasn't there, and I practically had to do my deadlifts in front of the door because there really wasn't much of a setup for that (only one squat rack, no other free bars around). But, full tummy and all, I pushed my way through my crappy workout in the stupid gym with the lame equipment.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was hard, for me, and I did it anyway. Rawr. I'm proud of myself for that minor accomplishment, and the fact I did more pull ups and I've consistently been able to do more pull ups. I have been feeling fat, not strong, and when I can do more pull ups I started to chide myself it was just because I was losing weight rather than being stronger. Notice how whatever I'm doing, I self-criticize how I suck. In this case, I had to face that if I can do more pull ups, this means a) I'm stronger to pull the fat, b) I'm less fat so no stronger, or c) some combination of a&b. Nah.

What annoyed me was ... when I was leaving I sucked down a lot of water from a water fountain. I wandered around as I knew I needed more water, but I was still kinda panting so it was hard to drink a lot at once. I stumbled by the door to the basketball courts, and a bunch of about 10 year olds were playing bball. They were adorable, shirts vs skins (remember that!?) and it was hysterical to watch these kids who really weren't necessarily masters of the art of walking yet trying to play that sport. Cute! However, one scowling woman came over and hovered by me when I watched the kids play.

Really!? Everyone who looks at kids playing is what...you think I'm a pedofile!? Really!? Get the fuck off of FOX and fearing that everyone is out to fuck you neophyte human being. These tiny kids don't even have genitals yet, never mind sexuality. They're fucking babies, and ... just ugh. You wanna be nervous woman? Beware the fact I...I am a sick child molester! It's true! You know who's in "danger?" Your 18-22 year old daughter - the one with the dark eyeliner, slutty clothes, nonsymmetrical hair, acid-dropping and cheap booze drinking, shaving daily, angry music listening, teenage girl. And her girlfriend. Sometimes her boyfriend. If they are in my nightclub. I know they're too young and I just don't care - mua ha ha ha! But...fuckyou for acting like ... jebus they're kids. God. Maybe I'm overreacting.

Doesn't matter I'll probably get hit by a car anyway.