WARNING - woke up really groggy here

Dune and today's lesson: Don't trust "just" pain.
Mistakes I've made - used to not trust that anyone liked me unless they wanted sexing. It sounds crazy, but...I had an odd childhood and strange interpretations. Sex is easily mistaken for intimacy. A relationship based solely on fun isn't real - that sex might be wonderful, but what else is there to it outside of shared pleasures? How much does sexing hide and suppress the problems?

Mistakes I still make - trusting pain. Trusting someone that shares their secrets with you. Trusting someone that cries, that shows you their pain. That they show pain is a very likely indicator of trust, no doubt. It's so well known that there are now freaks who use pain as some sort of intimacy-bait (imagine a person trying to act like the lifetime channel all day every day - nothing but screaming crisis...run...for the love of god run and don't look back). The danger signal is shared pain without anything else.

In Dune the Duke Leto is betrayed by someone who loves him very much - only he hates someone more than he loves his Duke (such is one interpretation of the Suk doctor's betrayal). The Duke Leto underestimates the power of hate (or overestimates the power of love). It sounds silly (no, really!?) but to me there is a bit of a lesson in there - just for me, who is a bit weird if not ragingly autistic. Sharing those deep dark secrets, shame, embarrassment, and pain...yes, those are signs of intimacy. BIG ones. However, if that is all you receive (or give) then that intimacy is only based on one aspect of who they/you are. Even with all of the best of intentions, it's a narrow subset of your personality and interests that comes out when somebody walks you through a crisis. Just because someone is a fantastic counselor does not mean they will be a good friend.

There is a balance.

OK NEW SILLINESS:
First - NSFW - chocolate porn: http://www.chocolatefestival.net/
Fairfax chocolate festival is Feb 7-8, clothing, as always, is optional

NSFW ballons if you haven't seen it already Link clicky
Don't forget to do a quick search for Durex outtakes

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I had so much to write and I can't remember any of it. I'm in Albany, I've been a dick to people all day - didn't want to be, but when they fail to answer questions posed to them and instead talk really fast and flip papers hoping the magic answer will fly out of their ass...

If you don't know, you don't know.

There is a college radio station here - so pretty. Girl dj was saying she really liked this song and that she...um...hoped everyone out there did too. "I already did." Give me the awkward choppy near-teen playing their favorite songs 100x over some professional. It's annoying that there is no indie or independent college radio in DC. Time I got back to internet radio - not just to skim electronic but to look up some radio like this that doesn't exist in our city of shallow douchebags.

After being a dick all day I sat down in an Indian restaurant and looked over the menu while talking on my cell phone then scanning my emails...like a douchebag.

In my absence I've been assigned 2 new cases. LOTS of work to do on my return.

I swear I had something really interesting to say. Or I had the feeling I did. If I had anything to drink, even coffee, I'd understand the feeling coming and going. You should hear this spooky pretty music though. http://www.wrpi.org/ (listen at http://www.wrpi.org/listen.php)

Too busy to type this though...did I do more harm than good trying to take a break? Now to sketch a timeline...