Perspectives

Selling a house, trying to decide whether to fix it up, how much, and gambling on how much I'll recoup is terrifying. Finding out that my trip to Chile to help others is costing thousands, and paying out those thousands, is kinda stomach wrenching. Of course I'm happy to work to help the lazy. Watching one of my most stable stocks tumble 20% in 2 days, also noteworthy.

At work I drafted my questions for Monday's hearing, and emailed them to HER. Last night at 8ish she emailed back that they were all wrong, and laid out what she wanted done - she cc'd my boss, and the Director of my division. I responded, knowing that on a different day I would be upset at the offensive slap, calmly explaining the relevance and logic behind my proposed order, and noting that her line would take over 3 days to present while exposing weaknesses in our case. The slapping email probably offended my boss and coworkers more than me - I have learned to expect this from her as I've had more interactions with her than all my coworkers combined. It's why I don't think I can treat my job as permanent. That, and a friend whom I've known from when I worked with her in 1995 is facing serious job troubles. I could be annoyed at the problems at work, or I can be grateful that I have these skills, this education, these options, these WAH days like today, and this grade. Wish I could control how I feel better, but today this job seems like a good thing even if I can't rely on it.

Flipped channels last night and Murky Coffee was on the news. I love murky, but a fight over a ghetto latte, and the battle of "you work in service, be my whore" didn't really seem television news worthy to me. But here I am, expressing my opinions in writing as though they had some bearing on the world.

Also last night flippling channels (LNFC) I ran into an episode of what-not-to-wear in which the "victim" was a 40s woman who wore t-shirts every day :/ I think about which t-shirt I wear each day (work clothes receive no consideration, tan and black one day and black and tan the next). The joy in my life used to be going to clubs, now it's choosing which restaurant basement to visit on a Saturday night.

I have fun working on my office work. I enjoy lifting weights. I enjoy hiking, hard hikes. In fact, right now there is no better feeling in my life right now that the process of working. Da fawk? I think in my head my dreams are still slacker stoner dreams - I feel like I'd prefer hanging out with high people playing video games or laughing at cartoons. However, I don't actually enjoy hanging out with no-goal people are double-digit iqs. My tolerance of lazy and stupid has almost vanished. So. I just feel like there is something wrong with enjoying work - it's supposed to lead to something, like money is supposed to buy something.

DETHKLOK

(yoink)