(no subject)

Click click. No, not a bent massive, in the malls today I had another 2 people love my offensive phrase / obscure band t-shirt. You have NO IDEA how happy that makes me. When some nerd recognizes my adult-swim t-shirts I am liable to explode.

I shouldn't have gone to the mall alone - tried on more shoes than a gay guy when docs first came out in colors, and came home with socks. No shoes. And chocolate - 2 bags, about 10 lbs. They had the european mix on sale along with good truffles in dark, super dark, and dark mint. As they say on 4chan, I came.

I am the best landlord ever. Only, a bit creepy. One of my tenants called and the frig had died - I offered to and they accepted ditching some frozen food in my freezer, and I gave them a bag of ice. I've already measured the old one, priced a new one with instillation,, sent links and numbers from Sears, offerred many ways to get this taken care of. The other girl was there with her boyfriend. Boyfriend? "I thought you guys were both gay. Huh." I probably wasn't supposed to say that.

I got a great story on the trip through Nebraska:
A man's family heirloom bible is one that was picked up (violating orders) in europe during WW2. In the front cover of the bible are two marks: An X and a bent line looking vaguely like a #7 drawn by a child's hand. The family came to realize this was the bible someone carried to war with them, but the mark was the mark of the owner so he would know which bible was his and be able to identify it (so the owner was illiterate).

I also had an experience that will take time to explain. I have gone through a lot of pain lately, expressed anger, insinuated I might hurt others, insinuated I might hurt myself, and been a big bag of unhappy. I've been to schools, I've been to churches, but I wanted to work it out myself. "Just leave me alone, and I'll work things out." I thought about how every time I've tried to make myself feel better I've only hurt myself more. I've drunk spirits, and then paid the price around my gut and in horrible hangovers. I even think I've got some liver spots. No matter how drunk I got, the empty feeling never really went away. I listened to music, evil music, and it has done no better. All I find in music is an angry voice to join my own, only the voice of someone I've never met saying words I didn't say until I had them handed to me via an electronic device. And I've fornicated, how I have fornicated. That was perhaps the worst, with the worst hangover. I've risked my mental and physical health, and the health of others, as I tried to fill the gaping hole in my spirit through the pursuit of flesh. I've been trying many things to leave my issues from behind, from saying "leave me alone" to not answering the phone. Someone told me to have a blessed day. On the radio I'm playing classic and soft rock, trying to find people with happy things to say rather than angry rants, sorrowful cries, and inarticulate mournful wails. On the way up 395 the rain was torrential, and the radio played the beatles - let it be. I heard the lyrics "Mother Mary says to me..." And then it hit me.

When was the last time I turned to GOD for help? I've heard many people say that the only way to reach salvation is through the LORD JESUS CHRIST. You can commit any sin, or not commit any sin (not possible really, if you're human) and it will be forgiven if you only accepted the LORD JESUS CHRIST as your savior. HE died for your sins, my sins, all of our sins, and only through embracing HIM in your heart can you ever reach heaven. I thought about how long it had been since I had tried to turn to GOD. I have, I've tried to open my heart but the lack of any proof of the existence of GOD, the failings of the church, and the false followers and prophets, have always turned me off to religion. For some reason my pain just helped me reach past everything I know or have ever known and reach to offer JESUS my heart, and this once he accepted or I finally made the leap of faith and found GOD. The thunder clapped, lightning struck, and hellish rain pummeled my windshield - but the LIGHT of GOD could be quelled by some evil bit torrents. The LIGHT of JESUS shone through the torrents, through my pain, and through me until I shone with the light of GOD. I'm not sure how - I've reached before but not felt the LIGHT, but this time it just happend - I don't know if I tried harder, but the LIGHT shone into me and I saw it, saw it for the first time I can remember. I cannot describe the joy, the feeling in my spirit, the lift, the knowledge that my soul is now saved. I am born again in the LIGHT never to turn away again. Sweet lord JESUS is my salvation and with his LIGHT I will follow him into the gates of heaven, with our LORD GOD.

Now the problem I've always had with faith is having to have proof for things up front. I tell you, once I found my faith driving up 395 the proof followed. I knew the LIGHT was shining through the clouds. I couldn't see it in that normal sense, but it was there. It's hard to tell someone who lacks faith what real knowledge is. I don't understand how atoms work, less so particle waves. I couldn't measure the light, but I know what shone today. Know it, know it more than any science or book stuff. I know the bible is the way - haven't read it, but I know what it means. I understand GOD's plan, and his plan for me through my SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST. I might put my mark in my bible, given to me by my family, for I don't need to read it (or know how to read) to know it. Also, I had trouble putting on my pants this morning. They were bit tight as I've been indulging in sugars while my spirit was hungry for more. Upon finding my faith, my pants felt looser - I felt, and inches disappeared from my middle. I had experienced a miracle - right there in my car. I didn't have any health problems (or I had invisible ones which have been healed as well) so the LORD saved me by delivering me from belly fat. That sent an undeniable message - I'm to find a good christian woman (my new good looks will help with that) and start a family right away. I will answer this call and not waste this gift from the LORD JESUS. GOD's army didn't just get another soldier, he got himself an attorney who will recruit a full regiment. GOD bless.