I don't know what's next

I've been feeling listless. I spend many hours playing the same video game, cheating, from 1995. I don't know why. I still don't cook, there are clothes strewn about the house, laundry isn't done right down to the dirty sheets on the bed, mail piles up, and that shopping I should do keeps not getting done until I'm out of things I need.

I park by murky and see the kids going to law school, but don't celebrate the 'not me' anymore. I'm getting used to not being in school, bar slaving, or hospital touring. The tv shows I was dying to see during school don't seem that appealing anymore, and are never good enough to watch twice. I don't have any movies I'm dying to see - rather I scan to see if something is at the drunkhouse or not, something tolerable.

My life is my own - so what do I do with it? The only thing I'm really doing is hanging out with friends (big yay on that though, wow that is nice) and working out in the gym much more. I don't know what I want, but I have some thoughts on that. I spoke with a friend a while ago about the difference between money spent today on fun vs. security in the future. Am I doing enough for today? Meh - I bought some stereo and tv stuff, and don't really care. In fact, I'm not sure I really like the new HD LCD tv any more than what it replaced. Uh, oops - expensive lesson. So buying toys isn't really my thing. A long while ago in an experience I quote a lot I noted that I had no idea what I wanted in dating - and was happy for the discovery as it's better to know I'm ignorant than think I know what I want and be wrong. Turns out this applies to more than dating.

I don't know what to do with this time, but I'm in no rush to find out. My work is done, my body fit, the bills paid, so I've plenty of time to flit about figuring it out. Perhaps I should give myself more than a month or two to rest and recuperate. I'm getting used to this much spare time - but not so much I don't wonder about what I should do with it. Meh.