Grief

I keep feeling weird, then feeling weird for feeling weird. I go out and am having fun, or at least doing things, and at the most inopportune moments I have hospital or other family flashbacks. It's good to reflect, but it never seems like the right time. Then again - when is this right time? I still find myself having fun and then getting random flashes of guilt for doing so - even though there is no longer an ongoing crisis. I feel lame until I realize the last 4 months only ended a week ago Saturday. I think I overestimated how quickly I'd be all better. I mean it's over - why mope now? I guess I thought I'd just feel sad and then better all at once, so when I get happy or carefree I expect to stay that way - but like everything else, it seems to go in steps with some annoying valleys here and there. Or I'm just broken in general and I've had reasons until recently - now with the removal of the justifiable reasons to be broken we find out that yes, José just has a bent frame.

Did happy hour with the boxing peeps last night; even though I only had a couple drinks in 4 hours, did not feel one bit like chronos afterwards. There is a downward spiral - less people I know go there, so I'm less likely to go, and my friends are less likely to go as I'm another person they won't see there. I just worry that I'll go, waste money, and then see no friends just to hear lasher clear the damn dance floor again. Cafe Asia was kinda weird - there were a lot of hot azn people there in the bar, both behind and in front of it; many of whom looked really mafia. I think I like looking at hot azn mafia peeps. We were a neat group - every possible ethnic mix was in our group; in fact a lot of groups there were uh...diverse. Lots of switching from people to cells and texts going on...

Heard an ad that we should all be careful because there are so many drunk driving arrests this time of year. Are there more drunks, drunker drunks, or is it just that they spend all our money on checkpoints this time of year? I'm not scared of drunks - I'm scared of irresponsible drivers AND overzealous hyper-conservative laws with little economic justification - such as .08 enforcement and random checkpoints. I have no problem with pulling over a driver who is weaving across the road or otherwise suspicious. Right now some groups are arguing that the $5 billion spent on airline checked baggage screening annually leads to virtually no measured increase in safety. Difficult to measure I admit, but I've always had an ear for the argument that the USian taxpayer is subsidizing the airlines industry. Do we all have to be pushed around by enforcement officials just so we feel "safe?"

Speaking of losers:
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/for/515789190.html selling the last year of his life because he's upset and annoyed with his inability to "meet women." I have an answer for him: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/zip/515959676.html Here's a hint - when the goal you seek is poon, you're going to fail the most when you succeed. Getting laid, his obvious goal, is best as something that happens, not something you pursue. Gee, who wouldn't want to be the object of his affections? He wants to get laid - what else does he want? I'll go out on a limb and theorize that he wants an attractive woman to sleep with. Gee, attractive women aren't at all used to people that just want to sleep with them, or who offer them "devotion" in exchange for poon. Here's a hint - both girls and boys can get laid anytime they want; all they have to do are lower their standards enough. Here I ask - what does the guy offer? Why would someone want to have a relationship with him - his lack of flaws? His sexual ability independent of a relationship, with all the risk factors that entails? The pedestalic devotion and love he has pre-packaged for someone he hasn't met yet with whom he mistakenly believes his preconceptions will form the backbone of a healthy relationship? I'll give you one thing I think "all women want:" somebody fun. Caring and devoted is nice, but who cares about your couch-surfing boyfriend's loyalty when you're bored out of your skull? What do you do after the sexing?

I think I need another 5 friend-dates in murky in 7 days again.