(no subject)

What the fuck is wrong with you people? I seem to be...getting sympathy for all the stuff that has happened to me in my life lately? Am I misreading people's reactions - that somehow the grief in my life exempts me from what some think are my just desserts? It makes no sense - I am supposed to be the product of my own actions. The people in my life, love or no, have suffered the consequences for their own choice and actions or lack thereof. Whether that hurts me or not, I live with the consequence of my actions - including who I include as family and friends and how I react to the issues in their lives.

If you feel for me, it should be for me - not my situation. I can't control how people feel and react, but for the love of cheese - be realistic. I don't deserve a thing - if I'm a jerk, treat me as such, as you will. Ignore me if I don't earn your respect. If you're going to show me concern, let it be for me and what I've done - not pity, not some doe-eyed reflex to puppy eyes and romance novel situations which invoke sympathy. I either earned or did not earn your respect. If I did not earn your respect, then reject me and let me feel that pain and through that discover another form of growth to fill the emptiness your valuable insights left behind. If I earn your respect, show it if that's what you think you're supposed to or want to do.

It's also been pointed out that I lash out more at the people I care about...

(no subject)

At the risk of acting like a diaffected teen:
I HATE THE CHURCH

Re: my grandma
...I now have established connection with their web site and can see all activity in both Mom's bank accounts. I have been monitoring and checking every check and some automatic payments like utilities. A few days ago I asked her why she has been paying 1st Baptist Church $270 a month and she said it is her tithe....I also called around and spoke with several people at 1st Baptist Church to see if there are any programs available to go by Mom's house to help with eating, dressing, and the like. I know this will shock you, but the answer is "no". I spoke with VILESCUM who runs a cult called the "Ministry of Encouragement" (of all the accurate titles, because all they do is go by and say "there, there" a lot and commiserate with the elderly). She says X County has the 2nd oldest demographic profile in the U.S. after Dade County or some county in south Florida, and I believe it. She says there are many more calls for assistance than volunteers, so they are frozen and can do nothing. She has known Mom well for many years, and was scheduled to go by and take her a Christmas poinsettia last Thursday. That ought to help a lot-- except I understand they are not very good to eat. When I mentioned that Mom had pumped probably $60,000 into the church's coffers over the past 25 years and that it was absolutely shameful that the church could come up with nothing whatsoever for her now that she needs help, I got a lot of hemming and hawing but mostly silence and a change of subject.

I tried the same thing with MOREVILESCUM, the "Contributions Secretary" of the church, who confirmed Mom's monthly check and long-term generosity. I at least got her to cry about it but all I got was the same story, too bad, so sad, Jesus loves you so send more money. What a criminal enterprise the Priest Industry truly is. They have time to sodomize young boys but no time to help a 94-year-old get to the table and eat...

I think his words did better than mine this round.