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Jan. 9th, 2006 10:00 amI am interrupting my otherwise busy day to thank people who spit.
It's lovely that for as far as society has attempted to progress, that there is still a significant portion of the population that feels compelled to expel their frothy mix of saliva and phlegm onto dirt, plants, sidewalks, and small children that lie in their wake. The visual impression left for others to view is lovely! I can't tell you how pleasurable it makes my life not just to watch people spit, but to travel across a city sidewalk and witness the evidence of my unhygienic predecessors. Also a gift is the glorious tradition of covering the soles of our feet with their oral waste products. It's people like this that make the 5-second rule invalid even in the kitchen in my own home - for I have worn shoes both outside and in the kitchen. I wonder how many colds I have acquired from unknowingly contacting someone's filth from the bottom of my shoes as it transferred to another surface?
In addition to the glorious benefit of the material itself, the sound these vermin make while they force their mucus lining up their esophagus or through their tired nasal passages - superb! I can think of few more pleasant sounds to hear than the moist air as it travels across a vibrating nasal cavity, shaking loose gobs of green and other discolored goo to mix with oral secretions, soon to join gum and cigarettes on the sidewalk. This spittle might be my favorite part of the soup that fills our gutters. I would like to say a special thank you to smokers on this one - you guys really push the envelope with volume, tone, and regularity of the auditory symphony of filth. The South Beach diet, Atkins, exercise...nothing would be necessary if you could just hear that sound whenever you were hungry. There is no slice of cheesecake that trumps a guttural hack.
I will eventually also thank people who don't throw their cigarettes away, throw trash from moving cars, chapstick "borrowers," and toilet non-flushers.
But for today: Thank you, oh thank you, people who spit.
It's lovely that for as far as society has attempted to progress, that there is still a significant portion of the population that feels compelled to expel their frothy mix of saliva and phlegm onto dirt, plants, sidewalks, and small children that lie in their wake. The visual impression left for others to view is lovely! I can't tell you how pleasurable it makes my life not just to watch people spit, but to travel across a city sidewalk and witness the evidence of my unhygienic predecessors. Also a gift is the glorious tradition of covering the soles of our feet with their oral waste products. It's people like this that make the 5-second rule invalid even in the kitchen in my own home - for I have worn shoes both outside and in the kitchen. I wonder how many colds I have acquired from unknowingly contacting someone's filth from the bottom of my shoes as it transferred to another surface?
In addition to the glorious benefit of the material itself, the sound these vermin make while they force their mucus lining up their esophagus or through their tired nasal passages - superb! I can think of few more pleasant sounds to hear than the moist air as it travels across a vibrating nasal cavity, shaking loose gobs of green and other discolored goo to mix with oral secretions, soon to join gum and cigarettes on the sidewalk. This spittle might be my favorite part of the soup that fills our gutters. I would like to say a special thank you to smokers on this one - you guys really push the envelope with volume, tone, and regularity of the auditory symphony of filth. The South Beach diet, Atkins, exercise...nothing would be necessary if you could just hear that sound whenever you were hungry. There is no slice of cheesecake that trumps a guttural hack.
I will eventually also thank people who don't throw their cigarettes away, throw trash from moving cars, chapstick "borrowers," and toilet non-flushers.
But for today: Thank you, oh thank you, people who spit.
