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Dec. 23rd, 2005 07:45 amYesterday on the metro I watched two very different groups of 3 young men each. Group one was 3 young teenaged boys, white, rich. I was amazed at how confident these skinny white suburban kids were, until I realized how much bling they had. One answered his new cell phone saying "Yo," which was met by a curious look from one of the three large black men. The white boy complained in the phone that they "had been there only like 5 minutes when they took his board," but it didn't matter coz he was going to get a new one anyway and his uncle just gave him $100. Thems was some rich little white boys - spendy shoes and all new clothes, ratty looking in the way that said hundreds of dollars at A&F. The other men were larger, 2 were fat, and black. I could smell the black guys had not showered in 2-3 days or been running many hours prior. It wasn't homeless smell or anything, it was just a little unwashed. Truly ghetto. They were playing with a cell phone's ring tones, mocking the polka sounding one by half-dancing in the doorway. They weren't really bothering anyone, though they stood in the doors and were slow to move out of people's way when they opened. I guessed at each member's rank by who moved where and when. I wondered if they were packed. As the little white boys unintentionally displayed wealth, the black guys seemed to notice and watch. I wondered if they'd follow and roll them - hell I thought about it myself.
The white boys kept talking about how "gay" it was that the cop took his board. Often I would address that kind of public talk, my business or no, but the larger black men were also there and I didn't want to provoke an interaction in that role, not with them. I looked at the white boys with distaste, an old flavor finding the back of my throat - something about these rich kids poked an old nerve. I knew better than to care, but that flavor was there.
My metro route takes me from Smithsonian to Rosslyn. Most black people, and all loud kids or ghetto people, get off at metro center. The black people that ride out to VA tend to be in suits or military uniforms. You notice when ghetto-esque elements stay on longer, and I eye them with true suburban suspicion. I used to ride the trains at night when I worked nights, and on fridays I frequently encountered groups of ghetto boys who rode the trains to VA and back just to fuck with people for entertainment. Sorry if my judgments or attitudes make you uncomfortable, no not really. If I'm wrong or missing something please clue me in though.
The train arrived in Rosslyn, and I stood to exit. This time two of the black men remained in the door that opened. I saw them not moving, saw it coming. There was space between them when the doors opened, and they looked at me. I watched my footing and "checked" both as I exited the train, nailing the left one more than the right as I walked through them, looking at each in the eye but keeping their body and hands in peripheral range. I couldn't believe it when they didn't say or do anything. I was so ready to go, a big part of me wondering if the unwashed men were packed or not. I'm not sure I know why I did that, less sure why they let it slide. They were a little rude, I was more so in reaction. Perhaps that other flavor was in my mouth. I just had a moment where I didn't want to be pushed around.
Yesterday at work I spoke with my office-neighbor. She is here in the island of misfit toys, the cotton annex building where all the fuckups are (me?) She had a falling out with some big-wig in civil rights, and is here working for someone else "on detail." I spoke with her, and she asked if I was still looking for a job. I said yes and no, and we compared EEO vacancies we both knew about. She applied for the 14/15s I did not. I told her I wasn't feeling EEO anymore, that I got tired of the BS complaints. She still has the fever, she still wants to find and solve problems - I'm more in the mode of the people making allegations are full of it and the education/diversity stuff is just embarrassing. She noted sexual harassment was still a big issue with all of our rednecks.
She embarrassed me - she is furious because she wants to work hard. She is here with a 14 salary and is given almost no work despite numerous requests. She wants to work, she wants to make an impact and achieve. Me, I'd kill for her position. I know it represents a political loss for her, but I would love to have a 14 salary with almost no work. I suppose I have that poor a work ethic, but I really just work to support my need for security and enable what I consider my actual life with my salary. I respect people that work hard at what they do, that take pride in their work, but I'm not always one of them. Sure, sometimes I get the fever here and work my ass off - but if not given work I'm very happy, and even when I love my work if I'm slammed for too long I just get tired. This woman is well worth the money, worth more than me, and it's a damn shame they're not utilizing her because of some internal political bullshit. Maybe she feels the EEO more because she's a black female, and I see it less as a white male. Does she see the shield while I see the sword?
Last night I plugged in the xmas lights, and realized how very bright they are. I have our old 70s family merry twinkle bulbs - they are huge, and each has an expanding filament which breaks contact when hot. In other words, each one flashes on a different schedule than all it's neighbors. They're the Stella Luna of xmas lights. We let them blink on the floor until we thought we smelled burning plastic, re-discovering how hot the things get (gee why don't they make them anymore?) I didn't get around to hanging them in the window but I may tonight.
The white boys kept talking about how "gay" it was that the cop took his board. Often I would address that kind of public talk, my business or no, but the larger black men were also there and I didn't want to provoke an interaction in that role, not with them. I looked at the white boys with distaste, an old flavor finding the back of my throat - something about these rich kids poked an old nerve. I knew better than to care, but that flavor was there.
My metro route takes me from Smithsonian to Rosslyn. Most black people, and all loud kids or ghetto people, get off at metro center. The black people that ride out to VA tend to be in suits or military uniforms. You notice when ghetto-esque elements stay on longer, and I eye them with true suburban suspicion. I used to ride the trains at night when I worked nights, and on fridays I frequently encountered groups of ghetto boys who rode the trains to VA and back just to fuck with people for entertainment. Sorry if my judgments or attitudes make you uncomfortable, no not really. If I'm wrong or missing something please clue me in though.
The train arrived in Rosslyn, and I stood to exit. This time two of the black men remained in the door that opened. I saw them not moving, saw it coming. There was space between them when the doors opened, and they looked at me. I watched my footing and "checked" both as I exited the train, nailing the left one more than the right as I walked through them, looking at each in the eye but keeping their body and hands in peripheral range. I couldn't believe it when they didn't say or do anything. I was so ready to go, a big part of me wondering if the unwashed men were packed or not. I'm not sure I know why I did that, less sure why they let it slide. They were a little rude, I was more so in reaction. Perhaps that other flavor was in my mouth. I just had a moment where I didn't want to be pushed around.
Yesterday at work I spoke with my office-neighbor. She is here in the island of misfit toys, the cotton annex building where all the fuckups are (me?) She had a falling out with some big-wig in civil rights, and is here working for someone else "on detail." I spoke with her, and she asked if I was still looking for a job. I said yes and no, and we compared EEO vacancies we both knew about. She applied for the 14/15s I did not. I told her I wasn't feeling EEO anymore, that I got tired of the BS complaints. She still has the fever, she still wants to find and solve problems - I'm more in the mode of the people making allegations are full of it and the education/diversity stuff is just embarrassing. She noted sexual harassment was still a big issue with all of our rednecks.
She embarrassed me - she is furious because she wants to work hard. She is here with a 14 salary and is given almost no work despite numerous requests. She wants to work, she wants to make an impact and achieve. Me, I'd kill for her position. I know it represents a political loss for her, but I would love to have a 14 salary with almost no work. I suppose I have that poor a work ethic, but I really just work to support my need for security and enable what I consider my actual life with my salary. I respect people that work hard at what they do, that take pride in their work, but I'm not always one of them. Sure, sometimes I get the fever here and work my ass off - but if not given work I'm very happy, and even when I love my work if I'm slammed for too long I just get tired. This woman is well worth the money, worth more than me, and it's a damn shame they're not utilizing her because of some internal political bullshit. Maybe she feels the EEO more because she's a black female, and I see it less as a white male. Does she see the shield while I see the sword?
Last night I plugged in the xmas lights, and realized how very bright they are. I have our old 70s family merry twinkle bulbs - they are huge, and each has an expanding filament which breaks contact when hot. In other words, each one flashes on a different schedule than all it's neighbors. They're the Stella Luna of xmas lights. We let them blink on the floor until we thought we smelled burning plastic, re-discovering how hot the things get (gee why don't they make them anymore?) I didn't get around to hanging them in the window but I may tonight.
