(no subject)

Fear.
She is more qualified than me.
Anger.
She just got married and doesn't even need the job. I need to escape a painful situation.
I'm annoyed that my worlds are mixing - how was I to know that blabbing about my work situation at school would lead to crossover effects? Now I have to wonder if I ever mentioned knowing someone there, and if that could be a liability. Confidence crumbles.

This is why I hate hope. I'll work w/o hope, do it all the time - but crushing defeat requires hope. Pain requires hope. Having something and losing it hurts, thinking you have it and failing to get it hurts. Not having doesn't hurt. It takes hope to hurt, and I always try to not have hope. I'd rather not try than try and fail. For reference see my dating history.

Tonight I leave work and haul to WV to spend the night. Tomorrow I train people all day, then drive back to VA for school 6-10:30 PM.
Thur I leave at 5:30 AM to pick someone up from DC then drive back to WV. I train people all day, then return for class 6-8 PM.
Fri I leave at 6AM to train people in WV.