![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Feb. 1st, 2005 07:54 amI think I miss being a kid.
I've been doing some soul-searching as my detail is winding down. I think this job blows, but it's another 10 grand a year. Do I go for the job for money? My normal job pays ok, I don't even spend the money I make, and it allows me to do law school easier. I think I just want the job our of spite for being set up on this pathetic detail.
Law school - I miss just hanging out with friends. The thing that occurs to me is that I used to be so much more social…but I was younger. I worked a stupid job and rented with other people. I could afford to be tired and hung-over at work, and the hangovers weren't nearly as bad. Now my peers are married, have kids, and don't leave the house for play-time anymore. I still want to hang out with people, play video games, talk about nothing, break sodomy laws, chomp pizza, drink and dance, all those things you do as a 20 year old. I do the grown-up stuff too, but I'm not terribly interested in stopping the play. I think I miss being a kid - I always wanted the same simple things, it's just it seems for ten or twenty years that was acceptable. It still is in the black cat though…(bleah smoke).
I'm also much snottier about my friends or who I fuck. Seems so obvious, but with experience I tolerate less and less from people. I don't mind flighty, but there are so many people who have social agendas and other issues that just don't make them worth even spending casual time with. It's too annoying to listen to them talk and see through all the bullshit they are saying while they pursue some unresolved issue. God it makes people look so ugly to see their desperate need. I think about the things and people I used to put up with, and wouldn't bother with it or them today. Standards - they result in a lot of down-time.
What do I do with my career…law is sucking me in, but would I enjoy law or would it be another job I just wished was over all day every day? I don't mind working, I kinda like learning all the time, but I think I really need some more play time. Which priority is mature? Which is right for me, right now, and in 5 years, 10, 20…
