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I'm not angry!
Jan. 9th, 2003 08:30 amTop ten reasons I cut you off my f-list! (in no particular order of importance)
WARNING: if any of the following is genuinely offensive to anyone, you need to get out more. We have all done at least some of this at some point, and for some of these we still do (yes including me, pot=kettle)
1) You've not my friend and never will be! You used / dicked over my friends, aren't a friend, and only try to use me for rides / social status / ladder climbing. Thanks for showing up!
2) Nude or revealing pictures! Do you realize that most LJ people look at LJ at work only? Do you know we have non-temp jobs we want to keep? Do you know you're plain normally and not all that hot even with your clothes off (oops, shoulda kept that a secret)!?
3) Quizzilla! You have absofuckinglutely nothing to say at all, but constantly take those stupid quizzes and post the huge pictures along with the description that sounds nothing like you at all. Hint: no one gives a flying fuck what the 25 multiple choice questions say about how you fit into 1 of the 5 flattering pre-written descriptions! Spam is spam is spam, scroll is scroll is scroll.
4) You don't ever use LJ cut! This is actually ok in some cases, but it really depends on content. No article you didn't write should be posted ever! If you did write it, see #5 about possible interest. Hey look – I’m doing this right now! Hate me!
5) You're so boring my monitor enters low-power mode when you post! I don't care about your shopping list! I don't care about last night's episode of anything on network TV! I'd rather listen to kudzu grow than take another minute of you describing the droll existence that you call life! Get one and stop writing please!
6) You're so depressing I'm going to slit your wrists for you! My god, I have a Jewish grandmother with less health ails than you! Do you ever have a good dating experience? Are your bills ever paid? Does your car ever run? Can your face form a smile? I mean we all have problems, and we all whine about them, but good god you're a walking comic - too tragic to be anything but funny!
7) Why are you here? You don't agree with my politics, you don't like my music, you have never met me in person, and we have no friends in common. Why the holy fuck are you reading this at all!? If I had met you I might dislike you, as it is you simply mystify me and make me wonder exactly how lonely the world is!
8) You stalker perv! Gee I'm glad you liked my icon, now figure out that I, the leather-clad musician / artist / dominatrix, don't want to sleep with you, the pock-marked, overweight, greasy-haired, unemployed, parent's-basement-dwelling, nose-picking, paid-porn viewing, pathetic little fuck! No wait, I won't call you a fuck, you're not worthy of the title!
9) You're not my god! No I don’t want to talk about Jesus, Allah, Buddha, white salamanders, the four winds, and my soul doesn’t need saving – but thanx for looking at my nude piercing pics! Thank you for trying to save me from myself - oh I'm sorry did I just pour hot oil on you at my doorstep? Get the hell out of my LJ because my aim is improving!
10) I care not about your sexual conquests! Dude/dudette – brag to your fucking frat / sorority crew about this crap! It’s people like you that make me warn other people, and play hovercraft in public rest-rooms! Thank you for taking a biological function and making it even more revolting than I thought possible!
WARNING: if any of the following is genuinely offensive to anyone, you need to get out more. We have all done at least some of this at some point, and for some of these we still do (yes including me, pot=kettle)
1) You've not my friend and never will be! You used / dicked over my friends, aren't a friend, and only try to use me for rides / social status / ladder climbing. Thanks for showing up!
2) Nude or revealing pictures! Do you realize that most LJ people look at LJ at work only? Do you know we have non-temp jobs we want to keep? Do you know you're plain normally and not all that hot even with your clothes off (oops, shoulda kept that a secret)!?
3) Quizzilla! You have absofuckinglutely nothing to say at all, but constantly take those stupid quizzes and post the huge pictures along with the description that sounds nothing like you at all. Hint: no one gives a flying fuck what the 25 multiple choice questions say about how you fit into 1 of the 5 flattering pre-written descriptions! Spam is spam is spam, scroll is scroll is scroll.
4) You don't ever use LJ cut! This is actually ok in some cases, but it really depends on content. No article you didn't write should be posted ever! If you did write it, see #5 about possible interest. Hey look – I’m doing this right now! Hate me!
5) You're so boring my monitor enters low-power mode when you post! I don't care about your shopping list! I don't care about last night's episode of anything on network TV! I'd rather listen to kudzu grow than take another minute of you describing the droll existence that you call life! Get one and stop writing please!
6) You're so depressing I'm going to slit your wrists for you! My god, I have a Jewish grandmother with less health ails than you! Do you ever have a good dating experience? Are your bills ever paid? Does your car ever run? Can your face form a smile? I mean we all have problems, and we all whine about them, but good god you're a walking comic - too tragic to be anything but funny!
7) Why are you here? You don't agree with my politics, you don't like my music, you have never met me in person, and we have no friends in common. Why the holy fuck are you reading this at all!? If I had met you I might dislike you, as it is you simply mystify me and make me wonder exactly how lonely the world is!
8) You stalker perv! Gee I'm glad you liked my icon, now figure out that I, the leather-clad musician / artist / dominatrix, don't want to sleep with you, the pock-marked, overweight, greasy-haired, unemployed, parent's-basement-dwelling, nose-picking, paid-porn viewing, pathetic little fuck! No wait, I won't call you a fuck, you're not worthy of the title!
9) You're not my god! No I don’t want to talk about Jesus, Allah, Buddha, white salamanders, the four winds, and my soul doesn’t need saving – but thanx for looking at my nude piercing pics! Thank you for trying to save me from myself - oh I'm sorry did I just pour hot oil on you at my doorstep? Get the hell out of my LJ because my aim is improving!
10) I care not about your sexual conquests! Dude/dudette – brag to your fucking frat / sorority crew about this crap! It’s people like you that make me warn other people, and play hovercraft in public rest-rooms! Thank you for taking a biological function and making it even more revolting than I thought possible!
