(no subject)
Dec. 14th, 2003 11:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzIs it a feeling; is it an expression; or am I being manipulated through the evocation of an archetype? Is the dream more important than the reality? What is it like to be thrust into that spotlight, idealized? Is there a point that you realize that it is you there? When there, do you consciously decide to play that role in the hope of inspiring others who will see through the illusion as you might? Do they see and still play the role as prescribed? Continue the circle? History making men, making history...
So simple, compelling. It's a poison that limits the abilities. That limitation feels...stronger, freer, more in control. It's a restriction that feels like release, dry fluid. The revocation of control feels powerful? It's a poison and the body fights it. Organs work to remove the poison, while other parts including that which we foolishly call rational work to overcome the appropriate defense mechanisms. The glory is a coincidence of evolution and effectiveness of the poison itself. Overload the systems and the poisons take effect. Poisons, evaded by some to be replaced with other induced states. Dance, exertion, emotion, states are created and altered for similar purposes - only the ability to retract that state (or so they believe) is retained. Genuine? The existence of feeling is bliss, the cessation of pain is the greatest pleasure. The cessation of pain is the greatest pleasure. Relinquishing control while exerting it over the remnant forces, it feels powerful. It is not. It is an illusion, one chosen over the long-term goal. Choosing feeling over the situation that gives the feeling, the reward supplanting the achievement.
You would think this realization would override the desire, or if not the desire the action upon it. It does not. Is that the actor or the situation? Respectable to be faced, or failure in overcoming? Even the addressing of the questions raised is more of a pathetic self-indulgence, avoiding acting, fixing the problem, simply reflecting upon the battle without winning it. Pausing in battle is not glory, it is not appreciation when it's merely an observation or a statement made for a public that may or may not exist.
So much achieved, and nothing.
So simple, compelling. It's a poison that limits the abilities. That limitation feels...stronger, freer, more in control. It's a restriction that feels like release, dry fluid. The revocation of control feels powerful? It's a poison and the body fights it. Organs work to remove the poison, while other parts including that which we foolishly call rational work to overcome the appropriate defense mechanisms. The glory is a coincidence of evolution and effectiveness of the poison itself. Overload the systems and the poisons take effect. Poisons, evaded by some to be replaced with other induced states. Dance, exertion, emotion, states are created and altered for similar purposes - only the ability to retract that state (or so they believe) is retained. Genuine? The existence of feeling is bliss, the cessation of pain is the greatest pleasure. The cessation of pain is the greatest pleasure. Relinquishing control while exerting it over the remnant forces, it feels powerful. It is not. It is an illusion, one chosen over the long-term goal. Choosing feeling over the situation that gives the feeling, the reward supplanting the achievement.
You would think this realization would override the desire, or if not the desire the action upon it. It does not. Is that the actor or the situation? Respectable to be faced, or failure in overcoming? Even the addressing of the questions raised is more of a pathetic self-indulgence, avoiding acting, fixing the problem, simply reflecting upon the battle without winning it. Pausing in battle is not glory, it is not appreciation when it's merely an observation or a statement made for a public that may or may not exist.
So much achieved, and nothing.
