Answering a question: Friends?
Oct. 10th, 2003 02:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzA friend is just another ill-defined label. If asked, you may find that opposite pairs of friends have different impressions of the friendship, a similar problem exists when you’re dating someone - a more complex friendship I suppose. It’s tough to define when friendships fall away, more so since most friends don’t define levels of friendship as they go along. Who is your best friend? 2nd best? 3rd? 15th? How often do you have to call a friend? See them in person? What if they move?
It's more confusing when you add in symbiotic relationships. Are dating co-dependents in love, or just relieved not to be alone? If I get something from you, if you get some thing from me, are we using each other? Does this make us friends? If we think we are friends already, does getting something from each other make us not friends? I think if the use of each other were to disappear, and the relationship were to fail, it was not a friendship.
For the record I don't knowingly use or get used by anyone. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I try not to be on either side of that sort of thing. I have very high standards for those things I value - whether I have them or not. I hate settling.
You could very well still be good friends with someone who moved away based solely on blog interactions. Depends on the relationship. I’ve heard people explain that they may not see their best friend in years, but if they asked called them and asked them to fly across the country in the dead of night they wouldn’t hesitate to do so for a second. I can’t pretend I understand those people, but I’ve met more than one and they seem relatively rational otherwise.
The answer has to be the best application of the label that fits you. My own taste is to call everyone a friend, and never mean it. I’ve been called popular, but I claim to have no friends. Both claims are wrong, but both have evidence to back them up. I hate to call someone a friend and turn out to be wrong, but by the same token I'd rather say I'm someone's friend to avoid hurting their feelings than be more accurate at their emotional expense.
More importantly, a friend is someone that shows up at your place on moving day. Not says they will, does. Nobody else counts.
It's more confusing when you add in symbiotic relationships. Are dating co-dependents in love, or just relieved not to be alone? If I get something from you, if you get some thing from me, are we using each other? Does this make us friends? If we think we are friends already, does getting something from each other make us not friends? I think if the use of each other were to disappear, and the relationship were to fail, it was not a friendship.
For the record I don't knowingly use or get used by anyone. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I try not to be on either side of that sort of thing. I have very high standards for those things I value - whether I have them or not. I hate settling.
You could very well still be good friends with someone who moved away based solely on blog interactions. Depends on the relationship. I’ve heard people explain that they may not see their best friend in years, but if they asked called them and asked them to fly across the country in the dead of night they wouldn’t hesitate to do so for a second. I can’t pretend I understand those people, but I’ve met more than one and they seem relatively rational otherwise.
The answer has to be the best application of the label that fits you. My own taste is to call everyone a friend, and never mean it. I’ve been called popular, but I claim to have no friends. Both claims are wrong, but both have evidence to back them up. I hate to call someone a friend and turn out to be wrong, but by the same token I'd rather say I'm someone's friend to avoid hurting their feelings than be more accurate at their emotional expense.
More importantly, a friend is someone that shows up at your place on moving day. Not says they will, does. Nobody else counts.
