(no subject)

[vicarz]

Coffee place is 400% more crowded on Friday. They still have their halloween decorations up.

I'm embarrassed here at the end of my staycation. I've had a week off and done NOTHING with it. I actually spent LESS time with friends than I often do during the week, worked out less overall (well it is down week), I still worked an hour or more every day, and I barely got any chores done at all.

What did I do with all my time? What is the difference between working and not working? Should I be ashamed that I have no hobbies and am happy to spend my time quiet, or rejoice that my needs are simple and I can be happy while working for a living? Maybe I should be happy to be a mammal that doesn't need to live in fear of bear attacks and write the rest off as a mismatch of biology with modern living. I should probably develop some interest into more of an active hobby (but not make up hobbies for the sheer sake of having them - that's lamer than doing nothing).

It occurs to me I am actively involved in politics, but it's not really social. I'm proud of trying to make a tiny difference, but that peer group remains the undiagnosed and medicated insane, bitter old people, and...me.

Things I got done: recaulked that part of the tub that was growing mildew (resistant my ass), investigated but didn't fix a gap that may be allowing air into my ceiling/hvac area, clean sinks and the bathroom floor, laundry actually put away instead of worn off the drying rack, cortisone shot in my pelvis, more workout time and food with workout buds. Ran slow 2 miles.
Played a lot of starcraft over and over and over again. Slept a lot more than usual. Lots.
I did spend 4-8 hours shopping but I bought virtually nothing.

Shit not even done: restore headlights, fix car body work, fix car mechanical work, go to canaydia, patch that hole in the ceiling that lets air into hvac area, research stocks, buy/sell/plan dates-or-conditions for stock buy/sell orders, clean and reseat computer thingys, clean the rest of the house (what is a vacuum?)

Noticed Kel, for my bitching about her auto-posts, ran 8 miles. I have a bunch of friends who regularly run 10 miles. I can barely run 2. Not mad, kinda proud of my friends, not sure I can up running while lifting. It's something to observe.

Realized I set another week of time off for the first week of Dec, but have a conference during that week (phone). That could be a problem (I think I can just print / save notes and phone).

I swear I'm constantly dissatisfied, which is a motivator and perhaps healthy as long as I'm not unhappy or paralyzed, but when I'm objective I recognize I'm lucky to have the problems I do.
I have most of my health, though I whine that I can only occasionally lift 3-400 lbs.
I feel poor but have liveable income and savings.
My huge gorgeous house isn't done yet - I own 2 houses.
I'm not dating 10 people 10 weeks after I got single. Seriously, I've spent months feeling ugly and single and I'm what...dissatisfied now? Lack of perspective.
I have time off and my work is acceptable, getting rave reviews in writing, and enjoy my job. Seriously, I enjoy my work.

What's to complain about? Burrs in my saddle much?
Coffee + time + computer = introspection.

Comments

[djpsyche.livejournal.com]

There's nothing wrong with actually doing nothing.
There is something a bit off about feeling guilty for doing nothing.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

IT'S THE US INFECTION AIGH!
My god the guilt with me may need some recalibration. Really.
Thanks, you're right. Guilt. My kink I guess. I should change that.

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's an American thing. I feel positively shitty if I do "nothing." Now, if I can reframe what "nothing" means, and make it "something," sometimes I feel better. I've had similar worries, that I should have hobbies or more "interests," that what I do doesn't create enough of a paper trail to count (no auto-posting about my runs, no pictures from my regular weekend hikes, no progress reports on my alpaca sweater knitting project). Then I try to tell myself I just have simpler, subtler interests. I can't suddenly create a hobby-whore out of myself. I really should just focus on getting better at what I do do.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

hobby whore noted as tshirt idea.

One not-yet-made t-shirt idea I have is a kaleidoscope of colored "aids ribbons" with the words "cause whore."

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

YES. Make that fucking t-shirt. And one with all the bracelets. Bros love the cause bracelets. They're like the hemp bracelets of the aughts.

Related, the Americaland SUPPORT OUR TROOPS ribbon bumper stickers are GIANT. It's like, "This is not just any cause, this is THE cause."

[shutterbug.livejournal.com]

Today I did a lot of nothing, and it was counter to my normal existence. Even knowing that it's okay to do nothing, it's hard to be okay with it. I ended up unpacking my DVDs and CDs (well, those that have been found so far). I'm also annoyed with the fact that I haven't done anything gym oriented since my exam (other than a bike ride) even though I promised myself it was time to get back. Blah.

I think your list at the end of this post is a good one. It's good to acknowledge that you are doing alright even if you don't feel excellent about it all. That doesn't negate how you feel as much as keeps things in perspective.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I am kind of an idiot and disappear into a viewpoint to the degree I lose perspective. That can have a major impact on how you / I feel. Collective you.