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Oct. 18th, 2014 06:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzEverything is about getting drunk.
Everything, every decision, every thing that matters is the choice of either doing something that feels good now or doing something that makes the future better. Every moment of every day I could get drunk, and drunk will feel good. The more you drink, the more drinking feels good. Good may be taking the pain away, but that's good; life is pain so anything that removes it...
I could slut around and good god I want to. I want sex. I want stupid sex, irresponsible and risky. I want sex to feel good right now. I want no hold barred sex, no strings...only I know the consequences to myself and to others, I know how low you have to sink to get 'what' you want rather than...sex is drunk too. You can get sex now and you'll have had sex, and only after you blast will you recoil at what you did to get sex or what the cost will be later.
I could get drunk. I could get tipsy. I could maintain my life but chip away just a little every day, each cost seductive in how I can manage it. I could get drunk but still go to work, I could medicate and cover. Until I couldn't. I've seen unraveling and the excuses and covers, the recovery and remission.
Booze and sex are one thing, it seems all of life is about making short vs. long term decisions. I don't have to work before my deadlines, but if I do a lazy job today my job will suck tomorrow. I mock US folks saying "We're so selfish we don't just dick over others, we screw ourselves over in the future." We spend money we don't have to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't know, and wonder why we feel empty inside. You can erase that feeling by getting drunk.
Full circle might be getting drunk, buying a luxury brand SUV, then having shallow sex with an idiot in the car...oh while called in sick to work?
I sound like I've turned religious where the only possible good is suffering.
Everything, every decision, every thing that matters is the choice of either doing something that feels good now or doing something that makes the future better. Every moment of every day I could get drunk, and drunk will feel good. The more you drink, the more drinking feels good. Good may be taking the pain away, but that's good; life is pain so anything that removes it...
I could slut around and good god I want to. I want sex. I want stupid sex, irresponsible and risky. I want sex to feel good right now. I want no hold barred sex, no strings...only I know the consequences to myself and to others, I know how low you have to sink to get 'what' you want rather than...sex is drunk too. You can get sex now and you'll have had sex, and only after you blast will you recoil at what you did to get sex or what the cost will be later.
I could get drunk. I could get tipsy. I could maintain my life but chip away just a little every day, each cost seductive in how I can manage it. I could get drunk but still go to work, I could medicate and cover. Until I couldn't. I've seen unraveling and the excuses and covers, the recovery and remission.
Booze and sex are one thing, it seems all of life is about making short vs. long term decisions. I don't have to work before my deadlines, but if I do a lazy job today my job will suck tomorrow. I mock US folks saying "We're so selfish we don't just dick over others, we screw ourselves over in the future." We spend money we don't have to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't know, and wonder why we feel empty inside. You can erase that feeling by getting drunk.
Full circle might be getting drunk, buying a luxury brand SUV, then having shallow sex with an idiot in the car...oh while called in sick to work?
I sound like I've turned religious where the only possible good is suffering.
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no subject
Date: 2014-10-19 01:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-10-20 09:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-10-21 04:06 pm (UTC)Nothing really makes everything else just go away like a really good orgasm. Or heroin.