I identified with those posts, in part. Seeing as I have cheated a lot (whatever that means; from the sounds of things everyone cheats all the time, so I guess I'm just average) I see myself as a cheater. I'm not cheating now, not exactly, because I don't have a relationship, but I see myself occupying the cheater role in other ways: being the mistress, looking at someone new as a partner I'd eventually cheat on. Even being a bad friend sometimes feels like cheating. Gossiping about or not returning the love given to you by someone you were very clear about loving and caring for a year ago.
The summer I was 18, my world was my boyfriend. Until it wasn't. I still remember what my crush at the restaurant I worked at looked like. His name was Kevin and he had very dark hair and blue eyes. I didn't realize when he asked me out for coffee that that was against the rules. I got in trouble for that, from my bf. But it wasn't long after that that I realized I was catching myself looking at men and boys in the street and wanting them. Women too, probably, considering I fell in love with a woman later that term, although we never dated/slept together. Before I moved away for my second year of university, I broke up with the boyfriend. It remains to this day one of the best moves I've made relationship-wise (I messed up later by getting back together with him). Maybe things were simpler then. My heart was truer, less sad. Maybe I was just manic and sex-crazed (he wouldn't fuck me) and saw clearly the road out of that penury: splitting up!
This made me cry: Also, passive aggressive unhappy that this loyal person didn't read my fucking journal.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-09-28 02:30 pm (UTC)I identified with those posts, in part. Seeing as I have cheated a lot (whatever that means; from the sounds of things everyone cheats all the time, so I guess I'm just average) I see myself as a cheater. I'm not cheating now, not exactly, because I don't have a relationship, but I see myself occupying the cheater role in other ways: being the mistress, looking at someone new as a partner I'd eventually cheat on. Even being a bad friend sometimes feels like cheating. Gossiping about or not returning the love given to you by someone you were very clear about loving and caring for a year ago.
The summer I was 18, my world was my boyfriend. Until it wasn't. I still remember what my crush at the restaurant I worked at looked like. His name was Kevin and he had very dark hair and blue eyes. I didn't realize when he asked me out for coffee that that was against the rules. I got in trouble for that, from my bf. But it wasn't long after that that I realized I was catching myself looking at men and boys in the street and wanting them. Women too, probably, considering I fell in love with a woman later that term, although we never dated/slept together. Before I moved away for my second year of university, I broke up with the boyfriend. It remains to this day one of the best moves I've made relationship-wise (I messed up later by getting back together with him). Maybe things were simpler then. My heart was truer, less sad. Maybe I was just manic and sex-crazed (he wouldn't fuck me) and saw clearly the road out of that penury: splitting up!
This made me cry: Also, passive aggressive unhappy that this loyal person didn't read my fucking journal.