vicarz | (no subject)

Much of my identity is on being "good," not just not-doing-evil, but actually making a positive difference. I worry that I'm more like the villain in any not-US movie, where you're on the wrong side, but not overtly evil. Of course whichever side writes history, the other will be portrayed as both wrong and knowingly wrong. I have a hard time with foreign films because the vanquished are not wholly evil; it's a more realistic story. There is comfort in the donutty good and evil bilateral views of the stupid US audience.

At some point action is divorced from the analysis that leads up to it. I spend a lot of time psyching myself up to scary lifts in the gym, and my fear so fills me that the thoughts I counter the fear with become distracting - even paralyzing. At some point you just make a stupid noise and enter the pattern of actions you have made that lead to the point of no return; where you actually take the action.