How about a short and pointless whine
Jul. 11th, 2014 06:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzGood morning coffee. I considered coffee outside the house, but at 5:30 ... I'm at my desk with coffee. I realize having a full sized computer I prefer to sit at is kind of like my rotary dial phone.
I didn't apply for a job I should have. I just lost 2 major coworkers, both I like but the one I know the least I'm hoping keeps me in mind for possible job possibilities in the future. He said nice things, but what his actions show will speak louder (about me or circumstances I won't know). Me, I don't feel the energy to apply for other positions and the devil I know isn't so bad today and seems like it'll be good for at least months. I think I may have a certain status as one of the few remaining here - my reputation is solid. I know this Agency and this job, and am not inspired to move. I feel like I have enough change in my life right now.
Yay the gym. Oddly I've seen friends and strangers who just work out tirelessly - I love doing my tricks, will stay in the gym for ages, but overall I'm not as driven as some of the stronger folks. They seem to thrive in the pain - I can take it, but I'm taking it. I'm also borderline resenting the time investment. Still, I walk around all day feeling various muscles, squeezing calves, hammys, glutes when I walk just to have them engaged. Mmm body. Funny I spent so many years on auto-pilot and how much you can learn; like breathing you can let your stem do it or take control yourself.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I haven't really had time to myself - worse problems to have, but work-house-gym-friends-gf-politics have really been busy lately. Right now I'm trying to drink enough coffee to go back over emails of my political group, where yes indeed I'm now a de facto leader, and pick out co-leaders based on the consistent and quality input.
Politics: race. So bored with race. I once cared, maybe even fetishized, then grew weary, and now I'm just bored. The people who said or implied race-income discrimination on not being allowed to join the group? When we opened it they either didn't join or did and either said/did nothing, or blasted their opinion to all who would listen and then were done. It's like they rise up for a perceived slight but never take action to actually change anything. I highly suspect crying race is so enjoyable they'd fight an actual end to racism (plus many are racist as hell, or at least say racist things at the drop of a dime). But besides recognizing patterns, I just don't care. My new off-record response is "I identify as racist." Yes it's offensive to take on the "I identify as" so I suck; the second part is if I identify as racist then I don't need to defend against accusations. Whites are constant subject to being called racist, and nothing you do can successfully defend against the claim - might as well call you child molester. So yeah, I'm racist, now either shut up or let's have a real conversation about how to move forward.
But me, I'm tired. I can't see the floor of this room, haven't mopped since the party, miss being bored with tv (fell asleep last night flipping between american greed/scams and tosh0)...I mean I'm not unhappy - just tired.
Some day I'll be moving into my house downtown and my life will change for the first time in decades. I'm not sure how or what that means, but I have lived here since 1995. Neato.
I didn't apply for a job I should have. I just lost 2 major coworkers, both I like but the one I know the least I'm hoping keeps me in mind for possible job possibilities in the future. He said nice things, but what his actions show will speak louder (about me or circumstances I won't know). Me, I don't feel the energy to apply for other positions and the devil I know isn't so bad today and seems like it'll be good for at least months. I think I may have a certain status as one of the few remaining here - my reputation is solid. I know this Agency and this job, and am not inspired to move. I feel like I have enough change in my life right now.
Yay the gym. Oddly I've seen friends and strangers who just work out tirelessly - I love doing my tricks, will stay in the gym for ages, but overall I'm not as driven as some of the stronger folks. They seem to thrive in the pain - I can take it, but I'm taking it. I'm also borderline resenting the time investment. Still, I walk around all day feeling various muscles, squeezing calves, hammys, glutes when I walk just to have them engaged. Mmm body. Funny I spent so many years on auto-pilot and how much you can learn; like breathing you can let your stem do it or take control yourself.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I haven't really had time to myself - worse problems to have, but work-house-gym-friends-gf-politics have really been busy lately. Right now I'm trying to drink enough coffee to go back over emails of my political group, where yes indeed I'm now a de facto leader, and pick out co-leaders based on the consistent and quality input.
Politics: race. So bored with race. I once cared, maybe even fetishized, then grew weary, and now I'm just bored. The people who said or implied race-income discrimination on not being allowed to join the group? When we opened it they either didn't join or did and either said/did nothing, or blasted their opinion to all who would listen and then were done. It's like they rise up for a perceived slight but never take action to actually change anything. I highly suspect crying race is so enjoyable they'd fight an actual end to racism (plus many are racist as hell, or at least say racist things at the drop of a dime). But besides recognizing patterns, I just don't care. My new off-record response is "I identify as racist." Yes it's offensive to take on the "I identify as" so I suck; the second part is if I identify as racist then I don't need to defend against accusations. Whites are constant subject to being called racist, and nothing you do can successfully defend against the claim - might as well call you child molester. So yeah, I'm racist, now either shut up or let's have a real conversation about how to move forward.
But me, I'm tired. I can't see the floor of this room, haven't mopped since the party, miss being bored with tv (fell asleep last night flipping between american greed/scams and tosh0)...I mean I'm not unhappy - just tired.
Some day I'll be moving into my house downtown and my life will change for the first time in decades. I'm not sure how or what that means, but I have lived here since 1995. Neato.
