vicarz | (no subject)

So that was kind of weird - yesterday I wound up in two houses: one I mentioned, gorgeous, "a place I'd like to get drunk," and the other a family home. The family one kind of made me all fuzzy. It looked very family like - not in disarray, but very being-lived-in-right-now. It had a homey smell, several. It was a place for living, not tip-toeing. After biking everyone sat, covered in their briney filth, on the cloth couches. I couldn't get myself to do that, opting for wood floors. The girls were frigging adorable, and if you ignore the 'mom is a jungle gym' urges, very well mannered. Why is it that you don't so much notice how cute and tiny children are, but their hands and feet just look adorably miniature? The youngest bowled me over in her sister's hand-me-down rainbow striped dress - it made her look like a roll of life-savers. This silly part of me wondered if in my dress-wearing days I could have pulled that off (what a pride outfit). For once I mostly didn't use profanities around the kids - it was ok to say butt, I was told. "Of course, it's a conjunction!"
And, but, and or...they'll get you pretty far!

I really like the idea of quieting down and settling in to that life, though I know NOTHING about it. Kids? I just got busted on how long it has been since I had a pet of my own. My mom has always done the lion's share of pet responsibility, except perhaps for my cat (but that was over 20 years ago?) (and it was a friggin cat, for crying out loud, not exactly demanding constant attention). I don't understand how you do it - it's such a huge (but rewarding) responsibility. How do you feed and respond to someone who has a constant need for attention (uh, sounds like me) and continue to do that for years? I heard a couple guys in the gym complimenting a fairly fit big guy - for being in shape after kids. I have a big emphasis on fitness, but I can't even imagine how hard that has to be post children - if it's hard to keep a program going on your own, how about when you have an 80 - 120 hour a week demanding job with little foots? Oh god, how do you talk to children like adults like you're supposed to when that baby talk thing is so cute?

I also got schooled, big time, on some of the things that can happen with the pregnancy process and post-pregnancy changes or not-changes. Had no idea, though it all makes sense. Tendons do what? Pelvis huh? Back where? Oh, well yeah that would make it easier, huh.

But curiosity and appreciation from afar aside, I'm a million miles away from kids.

Speaking of warm and cozy - spellbound last night was really cool. It was a funny club vibe - very mellow, conversational, and comfortable. Lots of good talkery. Had yet another straight guy compliment my physique. Maybe I should put on a few more pounds so I seem more approachable?

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Maybe I should put on a few more pounds so I seem more approachable?

Yes. ICE CREAM.

How do you feed and respond to someone who has a constant need for attention (uh, sounds like me) and continue to do that for years?

1. love.

2. a sense of nurturing where you get to watch a small creature under your stewardship grow, mature, and blossom (if you put some thought into the process) into the kind of small creature that makes you make this kind of post.

:)

lol maybe you're right. I was always scared to death to approach this guy at work that I had a huge crush on when I was an intern because he was crazy muscular and I was well....not. lol

Well, I don't have the answers about kids. I was never in really really terrific shape before I had my son (except back in college). Also, there is a certain amount of fat that will not budge on me, which I attribute to breastfeeding (oh god please let it be breastfeeding). Now....oddly enough, I'm in the best shape I've ever been, mostly because I view gym time as my "reward" for the day. Plus, I need the exercise to stay awake after being up all the time. I couldn't do it without a supportive partner, and I'm not sure that I will be able to do it if we had 2 children. As it stands, it seems like an hour a day of working out isn't even enough to reach my goals.

I do find it funny that they were referring to a guy as being in great shape after children.

Maybe I should put on a few more pounds so I seem more approachable?

Huh. When I said that I should do the same thing you gave me this weird look and said something about lowering standards... *smile*

It's very unlikely that I'd have kids, but I'm around them & as long as you show them what they should be like by doing those things yourself they tend to be ok. I'm sure you'll say you shouldn't have kids then, but the things you do that are judged wrong really aren't for the most part. That doesn't mean go out & have kids, but it does mean that you might be a good influence. I'll let you know if I get any idea from the elementary school.

Kids, ahhh how I could go on for hours...Really it's as tough as they say but easier than you can imagine. I know, no help there. Your brain just kind of switches over. There are still days I wonder what it would have been like to be childfree all these years...

THey were complimenting him? All he did was get his jollies off and interst sperm. Where's the weight gain, the mood swings, the feeling of little feet trying to massacre your lungs because they want more room, the heat flashing, I could go on.

I heard a couple guys in the gym complimenting a fairly fit big guy - for being in shape after kids.

Um... they do know that it wasn't him that gave birth to them?

interesting post. especially given some exchanges we've had recently.

theres a lot of bargaining, negotiating, sacrificing and compromising going on in order to get to do the things you want/need to do. Keeping everyone happy or satisfied is the trick. Kids aren't so tough. It is a lot of instinct. Feed them when they're hungry, clean them when they're dirty, hug them when they are hurt, etc.

I can barely remember what it was like to NOT have kids. I got pregnant with my son when I was 19.

My husband and I get a kick out of all the couples we know who say things like they want kids but, aren't ready yet...you're never really ready. Obviously you can go over some of the things mentally and even make some physical preparations but, in general it is never what you really expect it to be like.

As for talking to children like adults...well, they aren't adults. There's definitely a time a place for silliness and baby talk I think it really depends on the child and the situation.

Having children certainly can consume you. No doubt about that. It is rewarding on one level and extremely costly to the "self" on another. Very demanding and the nature of the demand changes every 6 months or so as their needs change. I never thought I was the parenting "type" and probably am not the best but I am not screwing it up too badly so far.

How to do it? That part is actually easy. A couple of basic books and instinct and that part mostly takes care of itself.

How do you feed and respond to someone who has a constant need for attention (uh, sounds like me) and continue to do that for years?

It doesn't feel like there was much opportunity to choose otherwise. It's like washing some clothes and using toilet paper and brushing my teeth. Enjoyable or not, I can't get around some things without horrible repercussions.

Sorry to not give a sweet, reminiscent answer.