(no subject)

[vicarz]

I think I put together some of what I failed to say yesterday. I heard that Will Smith speech "Running and reading," and noted he talked about the voice in your head telling you to quit, and how to beat that voice. I thought about how I quit, then unquit.

There is always a reason to quit. There is also always a way to go on.

Cheesey motivational speaker aside, the same advice I give to others works for me (hence my advice lexicon). Calling me a pussy doesn't anger me to overcome, it just pisses me off. Trying not to quit doesn't work. Saying I'll take the pain x times more doesn't work. Telling me the pain will end...it's like dieting to lose weight. That's not a goal, that's an anti-goal, a negative goal. I will lose x, I will deny myself y, I will resist z. Losing weight isn't a goal, and what fun is it to sit in front of a cake and not eat it. I wonder how this applies to not cheating on a partner?

I will do this. I will run hard up to that lampost. I will continue to run until I'm panting through my mouth. I will pant through my mouth until it hurts my lungs. I will slow but to a slower run. I am going to speed up on the hill. My quads hurt but I can lean on my calves. My calves hurt so I'll push off more with my quads. I'll stop bouncing and make all my motion push forward. I know I can do this. Push harder on X. Reach for Y. Do Z. That works for me.

I am...proud. I don't care about goals - I have some weightlifting goals, but they don't matter. I will reach them, but then I'll have others. It doesn't matter if I learn to grapple better, strike harder, evade more. Fighting, winning, losing don't really matter. My job level doesn't matter. I'm not sure constantly setting goals really matters. Someone will always be faster, stronger, and more skilled than I am. But I will be better than I am.

Working towards goals matters. I'm proud of the fact that it's February and I'm running fast when last year I ran slow, and the year before that I didn't run at all when it went below 50. My 2 year ago is no longer acceptable - I've progressed beyond it. I'm working towards more, but what's important is the fact I'm better than I was. Your level doesn't matter, and that I'm sure I could have done more doesn't matter. I did this, with this, and I like it.

Not so proud of law school as I am of running up a hill in the cold rain.