vicarz: (Default)
vicarz ([personal profile] vicarz) wrote2004-04-29 07:47 am

(no subject)

I've been taking control of this really weird series of dreams as my sleep patterns so suck right now. I keep getting that lovely land inbetween, the conscious thinking but inability to move - the kind of thing that morons mistake for alien abduction. "I can't move my arms!" Lately I've learned to relax in these dreams, and just see where they go for entertainment. A series of them has had me recognizing that I am in a hospital. I was being asked to flex my hand, my foot, and was trying but was unsure if they detected a response as I couldn't feel. I could feel their needles, however. The nurses mentioned something about blood poisoning.

That's a cool theory. I was in a wreck that should have killed me, about 15 years ago in my mind. Perhaps like in the movie Jacob's Ladder, I'm really just dead or near-dead. My mind has created this world for some sort of closure before I finally let go. Or perhaps I'm just being shown what my life could have been like if I hadn' been such a shit, and this is the series of thoughts that will torture me in hell - a hell created by me for me. Yeah. The cool part is that you people don't exist. I'm talking to myself, playing with myself, writing only in my mind...sure that sucks, but you don't even exist. When I cease to be, you will cease to exist - and you only exist as some sort of masturbation material for me. Enjoy your fleeting existence, mental peasants!

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