(no subject)

[vicarz]

It's not a good day for José the law school student.

I got my first real writing class paper back, and once again it was a low grade. That seals it - my legal writing is sub-par. This is the class that sucks up most of the time of law school - the classes are ok, but the writing/research course takes up as much time if not more than the other three combined. Unlike most schools, the writing program at GMU is graded.

I'm having real trouble in school now. I thought I just was getting net addicted, but it turns out my attention is really waning. I've turned off the net and left the wireless / lan off, and now instead of surfing while they talk my mind runs off into la-la dreamland while the important insights speed by me. I keep trying to focus, but drifting away. I'm getting alarmed - I did not face this problem last semester. Last semester I sounded smart! I had things to say, I made leaps which occasionally beat the prof to their point...this time it's all I can do to keep up and stay awake. I miss being active - it made school more fun.

I'm scared because I remember being like this in the 8th grade. I remember not being able to focus, fantasies pulling me away from class, trying but failing. I thought I had become disciplined enough to move beyond that. Now it seems I can force myself to the water, and stand there all day depriving myself of anything else, but still I don't drink.

We're on a curve and it's becoming apparent how many of the weaker students have dropped - not out of just my civil procedure course which is at half-mast, but out of the program entirely. I stand corrected - the first year of school IS a weeding experience. I'll make it, but if all the dumb lazy people (besides me) drop out - how am I going to get good grades on the curve? On the positive side, the professor shaved his awful sideburns.

I was scared that people seemed to be having an easier time than me, but I've found that the people having an easy time don't work. I could sit around drinking all day and just breeze classes, no problem, were I not working. School is not just a drain of time, but of energy and stamina. If you goof off and play all day - law school is a breeze. If you work an intellectually demanding job and then follow that day with school, it's amazing if you can keep up at all. I know how I'd be doing were I just doing school - encountering these lectures after a full day of hangover scoobie-doo watching and the gym.

I keep getting spam for paxil and other prescription anti-depressants in my GMU email account. I suppose I'd be less angsty if I were on happy-meds, but then what's the point? I mean I see that retarded homeless people pushing carts down the street smiling, similar to SUV drivers with Bush stickers on their cars, but I'm not about to self-inflict a head trauma to make me dumb enough to be happy.