T-shirt idea: "Overcoming ability with effort"
Today I'm doing a deposition...and I'm not scared. I wasn't scared for the last one either - though I was scared preparing for it as I was unsure I knew wtf I was doing on my own. By the time I outlined the subject areas to cover, I was confident. Doing the deposition, my confidence grew. I had no fear in preparing for this deposition, and I have no fear going in. Why is this the least bit important, even to me? I'm learning how to do my job. I'm realizing I have learned the basics, and I'm not incompetent (after only what...2 years?).
Work politics have calmed down somewhat, or I should say while there are tons of issues flying around, I'm off the radar and there are fuckups beside and above me which gives me a bit of space. I tend to hope that eventually the powers that be will not target me, but it's more likely, and safer to plan for, a brief reprieve. This is a blame-oriented culture with no rewards for accomplishments, only punishments for failure (any failure, losing a case or having a math error in a travel voucher).
I found out recently that while we carry 8-16 cases on average, the average in OGC or other litigation branches is about 6 cases. No wonder I'm always trying not to fall behind. However, we have less formal reports and micro-management than the branches with lower caseloads...only they are increasing the number of reports we do here. So, I'm less worried about how I might perform somewhere else.
I know what I'm doing. I may not be good at it, but I'm not incompetent and as in all areas of my life, I overcome ability with effort.
Work politics have calmed down somewhat, or I should say while there are tons of issues flying around, I'm off the radar and there are fuckups beside and above me which gives me a bit of space. I tend to hope that eventually the powers that be will not target me, but it's more likely, and safer to plan for, a brief reprieve. This is a blame-oriented culture with no rewards for accomplishments, only punishments for failure (any failure, losing a case or having a math error in a travel voucher).
I found out recently that while we carry 8-16 cases on average, the average in OGC or other litigation branches is about 6 cases. No wonder I'm always trying not to fall behind. However, we have less formal reports and micro-management than the branches with lower caseloads...only they are increasing the number of reports we do here. So, I'm less worried about how I might perform somewhere else.
I know what I'm doing. I may not be good at it, but I'm not incompetent and as in all areas of my life, I overcome ability with effort.