(no subject)

An example of your defense mechanism gone awry:
My boss that I didn't like but now like although I quickly recognize she has issues, may not like me, and I can't trust her...
is black. She is a proud black female, ohmi. She either would make a great lesbian or is quiet, but no, I just think she's proud. Too much so.
Yesterday she was talking with one of the clerical staff who is leaving (they all are). Boss was mentioning how she used to work for the education Dept., and how "all them mother-crackas in the dept. looked like you, and all the ones they were getting rid of looked me, okay?!"
Here's the deal as I see it: say she's right - that she was being discriminated against in the Dept. of Ed. Then her approach (what I'm guessing from watching) works: she is smart and turns in good work, but she is quick to defend herself, makes no friendly ties with "folk," and always faces every task as a battle she has to win. Then her strong attitude and fortitude to persevere is a road to success. Her attitude holds people at bay and lets them know they can't fuck with her. Her strong work ethic and technical expertise keep people from being able to screw her over. When there are no other candidates, she will be selected for positions despite not liking her because they know she can do the work. Grr.
However, say she's wrong. What if they're not all, or a majority, prejudiced.
Say our Dept. is not prejudiced by and large. Then, while the technical skill and hard work is recognized as a strength, the abrasive attitude makes people avoid you. This may result in trips above and below you just to avoid having to talk to the yelling black woman. In an organization where social ties greatly influence career possibilities, you keep everyone an arm's length away. Your reputation is more about your angry demeanor than your superior skills. Here, your attitude is misplaced, and all the energies spent defending against a unified enemy are wasted. You're fighting a battle alone. You're always defending your every action against sabotage, yelling when people are talking, and acting like a steamroller in a field of daisies. There are battles to be fought, people not to trust, and times people circumvent the process - but it's not because of anything personal; you just happen to be the one in the way. The feelings you get weigh you down because you think you're facing this fundamental emotional battle, when you're the only one fighting. I think that with that behavior set she will still be successful, but she's wasting a lot of energy and being unhappy where she doesn't have to.

This is why defense mechanisms of any type live on. She might have learned this set of behaviors with a set of people that required this, where this was a good habit. Now, it still works, but instead of being a reasonable reaction to a hostile environment, it actually creates the atmosphere she feared she faced. She'll keep doing the same things over and over, not realizing there are easier ways and many battles that don't need to be fought. The behavior will continue because the cues that gave rise to the behavior will continue to be seen in the environment even if the problem is not.

I dunno. Maybe I just don't understand.
I have an interview Monday (with a hearing impaired guy - don't think he has an attitude about it though).

Oh about last night: Urine soup. Ew.