vicarz: (Stoli)
I used to drink a lot more, but drinking beer, driving, working out, and otherwise being responsible has really slowed me down. It's not just drinking - I want to stay in control, and I'm used to staying in control, even when I don't need to. Much of me wants to release, wants euphoria, wants the delusions that come with drinking.
Including coffee.
But now I'm used to compensating, controlling, being good. When I start to talk fast or emotionally under the effects of super yummy pressed coffee goo, I realize I'm talking with emphasis and slow down to listen to others. Or, I stop talking to my computer monitor out loud.

I should get a cat.

I'm more likely to drink alone than with people. Well that's not true; but I don't really need to control myself when I'm alone. I do, in fact...well I drink less if at all, but ... it feels like I don't care. I guess I'm not George Thorogood after all.

I drank often in LA, but always stayed in control. Do I feel less of a pull for euphoria, does working out hung over hurt to much, or do I fear having to apologize for drunken foolery?

At least I drink enough to avoid getting a washboard.

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vicarz

September 2017

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