vicarz: (Year of me)
Deadline to move to dreamwidth?

I'm less depressed over politics. Good news, the right is so insane it's in the public eye now. The left might be pulling it's head out of it's collective ass - memes mock Stein's latest stupidity similar to dumpsterfire. My favorite quote was from the gym "They're coming out during the day now."

Gotta buy the girl a ring; been shopping. Ethics matter in shopping for crap fwiw

My shoulder still bothers me but my weights have all recovered or are leaping up (bench is still off, but may be only 10%). I have been rolling and stretching, but still my ankles are too prone to move and my shoulder too unlikely to. I did start running but have not kept gym location is a real issue, as is coordinating my schedule with the girl. I've started in on full relationship nag with the girl, as her need to take classes is a scheduling and logistical nightmare that impacts us both. Also, she literally has no gains. So I'm pimping strength and trying to stretch myself to more therapeutic workouts (i.e. face pulls), and trying to drag her with me. I think she'd be better at, and happier with, strength training than her "weights cardio." However she's a grown damn woman, smart, and better at her things than I am, so she might destroy me at some point. No mansplaining.

I'm revisiting form. With my side-pull injury crap, and after watching that yes, even with shoes on my ankles move, it's a good idea to reground myself. This weekend the gf is out of town so I can do crazy long workouts instead of cram it into an hour workout. Less huge lifts, more cardio/conditioning, and more support work would be good for me. I'm trying to drag the gf with me into "have a plan, one that doesn't require fees or scheduled appointments" type workouts. I can generally take my gear and go to any decent gym on the day in question and do my workout.

The contractor has not shown up once since xmas, other than one time to tweak the heat. His stories and plan made sense, but I fear the reality is he hasn't paid the/an electrician which is holding up the permit. Girl went online into his finances and found his property has equity, but the water company has put liens on his property. Twice. I don't want to sue a guy to suck the value out of his house when he has a young child, but at some point if I don't - if he loses it, I don't want to be last in line.

I got Scott to paint and fix up the Arlington place, to be rented soon. With the condo paying a bunch of it, and trusting his schedule and work product, it made sense - having interacted with him as he found quirks along the way? Very happy and worth the premium price (plus Joe cheapo never bid/showed).

I just got a bill from DC as they called my work likely 60% or more complete, with increases the value of my home by about $90,000, pumping my taxes and mortgage to cover.

I love my house. I love my hood. Neither is perfect.

Job update:

Feb. 3rd, 2017 07:14 am
vicarz: (DL)
I got a lot of questions about this when I go out, and I forget people are following. What, people care? Read my words? Who knew?

The dumpsterfire hiring freeze stopped the transfer of functions to OGC, but only in the short term. I wasn't offered a job from my interview, but I don't necessarily know if they didn't want me, or if they simply were unprofessional, cowardly, and have no concern for employee morale by simply ceasing communication when they can't take specific actions. Either scenario isn't good.

As for the function transfer, only EEO cases are moving over, and allegedly it's an initiative from the Secretary to align our functions like other agencies. Our litigation group is viewed positively, while others are not; our group is not happy about the proposed change, while others are thrilled because they hate this work.

When they are ready to take our EEO cases, currently forecast at around Sep/Oct this year, they will ask who has a license and is interested in working for OGC, interview, and at their whim, move you to OGC non-competitively. It's Excepted Service there - unionized, but same pay with less job security. Oh, and I'd have to serve a probationary period - though I've been a federal employee over 22 years, and a litigator around 10 years. I can be terminated at any time for any reason.

They also are discouraged from work at home, which I'm finding is a really big deal to me. Big advantage, puts me in the 905 (attorney) series and I get to say "I'm an attorney."

Race: I'm noticing an old racial breakdown that makes me very nervous based on prior experiences, and it's racist: strong vocal bullying black women in charge, and the only white folks are "mousy." I'm not a mouse and react poorly to being bullied. I did my time already. I don't like bullying - the fact it happens, not my rank within the system. Sometimes being queer makes me immune to this type of situation, other times GODBLESS it makes things far, far worse. So I strongly fear racism, bullying, and queer discrimination in the civil rights group. It sounds ironic but evangelical minorities in civil rights harassing all other religious beliefs or races is something I've heard of and believe I have witnessed quite a bit.

So it sucks, but in other news I'm posting on facebook about Reichstag, the Russian apartment bombings, and in other words trying to communicate about ways this administration may use or create opportunities to invoke martial law. I'm not speaking in hyperbole and hope I'm wrong.

Oddly when I look up the rise of nazism I get a lot of far-right sites complaining about "pc speech," which means not using racial, misogynistic, or phobic slurs - typically as private companies and the public express outrage at discriminatory views.

So I'm scared on many fronts and seeing a march turning to a jog that I can't seem to avoid. All my life I've crawled carefully to the light at the end of the tunnel - but it is always moving further away.
vicarz: (Wild Buttercup)

Obeying orders is the new patriotism...

vicarz: (Year of me)
Work calmed down but with greatleader putting out multiple proclamations of hate a day I'm scared to access much of my computer when at work. I spend a lot of time on fb, clicking like a variable ratio schedule, trying not to yell at my idiotlefty friends who spend all their time trying to one-up their extremism while the unified right rules us all. And then I posted that.

I'm probably going to leave this moscow-oriented feed, likely for dreamwidth like others. But ... I have changed. It hasn't been long, and I'm not convinced I'm remotely mature, but I'm not writing much anymore. My need for affirmation seems satiated, whether fed by other sources, outgrown, or whether I'm just so old and tired I don't have the strength anymore.

I'm showing signs of age - physical ones.

I'm going out tonight to KKBB where the former drummer from The Cure is doing a guest dj spot. I found out a band I never heard of is playing at R&R; turns out they do have some songs that sound a lot like joy division. Funny - they're popular today. Take that, synthpop dj who says I'm out of touch.

Politics. I wonder how far we are from martial law.

Tags: The contractor hasn't done any work since 2017. He isn't returning my calls (since he tweaked the heat what...a week point 5, 2, ago?).
Gym: I'm still not recovered from the neck / back pinch, but I'm sort of mostly back to my prior strength levels. I also don't care - I'm never going to be "large" and I've seen others blow by what it took me years to do. I'm getting more and more pain, recovering slower, and dying. I wonder if I might be better off just enjoying drinking.

Going out tonight but I just want to have a beer, here, and play diablo.

Maybe it's good I'm social on fb. I've made and lost friends there - I'm super romantic and try to be loyal, but when other people are not. I hold onto old ties when others let go. So I still have eljay as I had a lot of good experiences here.
vicarz: (Year of me)
I was going to write a long post about my job interview, but I mostly facebooked the issue. I interviewed for a job at OGC, reluctantly because I like what I do, where I do it, for the same money. Reasons were told to all, then announced as secret so I'm on the down-low about why.

On the other hand, my lack of fear of the interview was well founded. I handled all the questions well. I walked in with a tabbed folder of my credentials. I don't feel like I bombed, but again that's just my unsubstantiated impression. If any thing I prattled on too much "(No, really, as, me more about me)." I joked, and I stuck my neck out...I was asked about work location, and I openly admitted, noting my honesty, that I was frustrated that I was only currently allowed to work at home 2 days a week with exceptions. I was asked why, and noted I work in a cube farm which is distracting, and I like to save the time and money while being in my house next to my kitchen. The big boss noted they discourage, actively, "AWS" (I didn't point out that acronym is not for telework location issues) because they encourage discussions (though they have private offices) (oh bytheway they have private offices like actual lawyers) and want to be available "for their clients." I didn't ask because...I know damn well no clients walk down the hall to their fucking offices.

I've been on the fence about the issue because I wanted to determine whether I would accept a job or not if offered. I kinda don't want it, less so since it seems they don't litigate in any courts either - it's just my job for the same pay with some pluses (905 series for-real attorney, office, main building is kinda neat, high-caliber coworkers and possibly more legal training and refinement) but minuses that matter to me (autocratic environment, likely restricted hours unless it's to work to my detriment, less telework, same fucking pay?).

I was asked to provide 3 professional references by Thursday. Then bigboss said Tuesday, but nobody corrected the actual day. I provided my references today.

Then today I realized for my organized packet, I forgot to provide the requested writing sample. So for the tabbed handout, I was missing an entire section. At least there is a good reason to not offer me the job.

Today I talked to my old boss who called me immediately after I emailed about a professional reference (immediately after emailing hellyesses). He noted that while we all likely face a hiring freeze, these things don't often last long, and his group has the same work - more to my culture in the sense our group is more settle-em high, and I'm hang-em high because they're liars, and very flexiplace friendly (he lives in Atlanta, though his job resides in DC for many purposes). Oh, and they are GS-15s (a higher rate of pay).


Hearing about the movement of eljay to Moscow and the jailing of dissidents, I'm thinking this may be my last year of eljay. I don't use it much, not making new connections, and viewing my friend's list makes me sad to see all the vanishing acts. I feel connected enough with the stupids and variable ratio schedule of the fb algorithm.

I've changed in a lot of ways, but I'm still pretty stupid - particularly emotionally. I'm not sure if I just got old, my glands stopped, I grew up a little, or this is just a lull in my personal crazies and some bump or event will snap me back into emotional reactions out of proportion with events in my life.

I should do more updating, but I've been running around nonstop with the girl and...really just want to play diablo.

I talk to myself.
vicarz: (Year of me)
Last night's ANC meeting was mostly dull, thank god. The ones in the Shaw library are rancorous. I did learn what they are looking for in permit applications, and it's kinda anti-growth and pro-poverty. All the questions focused on: 1) "affordable house" aka limits on income for the people you rent to, 2) original look of the property, 3) sun view! Engineers are now producing diagrams to show the year-round shadow impact of proposed development, and 4) when did you give us notice vs. file the legal papers? My least favorite was a series of the ANC folks lambasting someone who emailed them the entire packet - because they wanted hard copies. (facepalm).
That was from a non-resident white guy investor - he got the hardest time. However the Commission itself is diverse, made up of very liberal whites, af-amer, and no other races. We have a huge latino community, but language seems a big barrier (more than culture, imo). I’ve had no luck inspiring my neighbors to come to community meetings.

Work exploded. I’ve been doing long and stressful hours for the first time in a while, based on an impossible to meet discovery and hearing schedule blasted by a very rigid harsh MSPB judge, the 2nd worst I’ve ever encountered. I think he’s lazy, forcing the parties to settle to avoid doing his job of reasonable hearing schedules and his portion of the work. Encouraging settlement is good, but his approach is just pointless. Often prehearing takes place 1-2 weeks before hearing - his schedule has it a month in advance. He is setting the hearing a month before the 120 typical deadline, leaving a gap of a month between prehearing and hearing - time with no productive purpose. Further, discovery was to take place over xmas and NYE, while denied multiple joint motions for any type of extension.

This has be realizing that my work is stressful. I could meet this schedule, but while I sent the players their discovery in plenty of time to respond, I’ve had multiple parties - particularly IT - utterly fail to produce what I need. I’ve been doing long days and constant communications up and down the chain of command to get the information to me - I have as much as 10 gig of emails due today in discovery that I do not yet have - even if they get it to me, my ability to screen it is nil. Further, I don’t have a format where I can issue it to the opposing side other than sending .pst files...this is just obnoxious. I should be able to simply fire off what I have, note “difficulty,” and if we are sanctioned produce the paper trail of why the Agency got sanctioned - not me. But I am killing myself to try and meet what is required. Why?

I have a job interview on Friday I have not prepared for, and I suspect it’ll be BEI so I need politician-like canned responses to blast to barely linked questions. I need to know stupid things you never know, like which cases I regularly cite are from Title VII, Chapter 43 vs. 75, and other trivia nonsense that is not necessary except to explain to neophytes where the authority stems from (might as well explain FRCP whiel we’re at it). I also have to pull and sanitize a writing sample - plus print and bring items that were required to be submitted in the application process (law school transpcript, proof of bar membership).

I’ve quit coffee this week. I thought after cutting to 1 cup a day it was odd my eyelid kept twitching. So I cut to none, not really quitting, just as an experiment. But my eye twitches more - internet says that’s from being tired. And stress. Stress.
vicarz: (Punk hump)
Listening to old tunes I'm feeling that lovely empowered after oppression feeling, remembering, and enjoying my new bizarre status as mannish n'shit.

But then I listen to a misplaced song, one where I didn't understand the lyrics and it took on a different meaning to me. I felt miserable, but ...
as I've done too many times before
taunted myself with what I thought I wanted, needed,

And I made the break. And I feel better, much, and things and my life are good.

But I hurt someone to do it.

So when I listen to this song that reminds me of the pain I once felt,
what I feel is guilt.
Yet I move on.

I don't know what's right.
vicarz: (Year of me)
When I was drinking and smoking pot at 13-15 or so, I remember sitting on car hoods outside 7-11 by Gaithersburg High School when "Cammy," a curly blonde we all thought was smokin' hot in the day, was startled by a yellow jacket - without thinking she jammed her middle finger between her and the bee. As the bee flew nearby, she held her defensive middle-finger between her and the bee as it flew nearby.
Ever since that day I've always blasted my middle finger in response to fear - defending myself against threats to which I cannot reasonably actually defend.
JbDubbs did this "fuck 'em all" video
which I still love. However, thanks to JbDubs I sometimes now burst into rebellious dance - plopping my stomps rudely like some variety of these (2:30-2:55) bouncing my opposing middle fingers up and down. It helps knowing the people acting so silly are members of a professional ballet troupe.
I may not win but I'm ready for 2017. Fuck 'em all and tell 'em.
vicarz: (Year of me)
I hate end of the year reflections like any other holiday, though it's less offensive without a religious backdrop. But why today vs. another?

I will say this is the first year in a long time I haven't been looking forward to the new year. Between news of terror attacks, foreign aggressive powers for gain, and a clown car of anti-government activists put in charge of government agencies...things look as awful as during reagan or bushes.

But I'm doing great. All those years of hard work and sacrifice are paying off - everywhere. My investments are ok. I live in my house and am really liking it - seemingly more every day. The finances aren't done yet / the old place isn't rented, but it's imaginable that it will be. Heck my physical abilities are decent after years of this lifting things. The girl and I are comfortable but not bored of each other.

It's strange to be happy about me and sad about everything else. I guess someday I'll miss breathing without masks, water without filters, and exterminating the food rioters.

I'm feeling old because I'm old. I'm perhaps peak for my age, education, and this industrialized world I live in, but seeing physical changes is saddening. I found a long eyebrow hair - death.

Had an odd experience the other day where we had a happy hour in an unresearched place - turned out to be a watering hole near a hockey game that was just starting. It was annoying, loud, and not ideal for our happy hour group - but curiously I didn't even think until later that I never felt "threatened." Sportsball fans always make my hair stand on end, call it perceived middle-school jock trauma. Last night we ate in a casual place staffed and attended by suburban white high-school jocks. I mean it sounds odd to say, but gee at 48 I'm over it. Only 30 years and I've moved on? I'm glad not to feel threatened, but I have this little tickle in the back of my mind: how different are kids today (in all those jocks, nobody was being a douchebag), how different am I, and how annoying was I back then / what was my role? But as a 48 year old man, I don't much.

I can hear rain falling on my skylights.
vicarz: (To do - nothing)
Anti-anti-government rant:
Aw - the sanitation city worker, who I just saw in my hearing over the "trash ticket" and also just issued me another, stopped by! He bashfully admitted he just found I had emailed about illegal dumping back in January, but the email was lost / misdirected. He had also brought printed materials about trash and recycling pickup...since I was here I invited him "through" and we walked and talked about trash/rec can use, issues, and how the illegal dumping was likely behind my place while it was vacant.
He loved the pinball machine!
He noted he's going on vacation but first he was going to have the frig and 2 tvs, plus giant bucket of used oil (!? omg I thought it was gross water - glad it was never tipped over) and...oh he's getting it himself in a truck right now! Anyway when he gets back he said he can probably do something about the (new) ticket. Hey - I'm happy with this bit of my tax dollars at work!
vicarz: (Abs)
I've been eating terrible, forgotten what vegetables are, drinking often, indulging in cookies n'stuff, and seem to have lost 8 lbs. Yay gym payoff?

Gym is fun. I go. I am trying to do more volume work after getting some gains. My chest/left tricep is still dead / nerve not firing. My squat is slowly increasing. Slow is probably good for me, and I still get stranger comments when they see me lifting that much at my size. I'm tempted to relish the 3 plate old nemesis, but I used to enjoy my old bench 2 plate nemesis - before my nerve died.

An opening is posted for OGC 13/14. That fear aleved. New fear, I have to apply.

This has been a great weekend. I pretty much did not do my chores other than the gym and cat care, but played a million hours of video games. It's a symptom of my disease(s), but I feel great that I got my geeking on.

Loving my house, work continues to be slow.

Work exploded so I've been mostly offline for a week. Now I'm...not really online. Writing no much or long. I feel less driven to share my observations - a side effect of confidence and social connection?
vicarz: (Mech love)
I'm not good at what I do. I'm good in a way, but I have worked in this field for ten years. My formerly private law firm coworkers note crazy shit like only having 3 hours to draft MSJs, while I can spend anywhere from 8 to 40 hours or more on mine. I'm worried that I'm way slower than regular attorneys, and only "good" because I have so much time as a staff person to do the job. What if OGC is more like a private firm?

If I suck, then I'm super lucky I got this 10 year ease-in job where I got to pick up competencies slowly over time. It's not as good as if I was formally trained, but better than failing or getting fired. Still, there is a serious chance I'll have to work a serious transition. It may really suck.

Good maybes: OGC does seem to have some unfired incompetent folks. I also think they may be unionized, which sounds insane but wonderful if true. I'm all about protections.

Bad maybes: same racist anti-everything-but-af-amer issues may be in there as other known civil rights programs. Also in this there may be that lofty law school emphasis, making them not want people like me. They could keep people like me out by posting the jobs as GS-9s or 11s, forcing me either to take a huge demotion or simply not be able to work there. If they posted a 14 or 15 and didn't hire me I'd likely have a case, but if they post a 9 or 11 to keep us out? It would be hard to file.

What if I don't get in - what if I get in and it sucks? These are my basic lines of thought.
vicarz: (Your input makes me...)
I have fought all my life for security.

In the middle of the day yesterday an all caps MANDATORY MEETING was sent out to my branch for a meeting at 2:30, in-person or phone conference. Our AA (high-up official) told us quickly that the Office of General Counsel had recommended that Agencies lose the ability to do EEO representation any more, and that recommendation was being implemented starting in January.

It turns out that despite all indications it would go the other way, including OGC's analysis, an EEO AJ had ordered an Agency Representative to turn over all their communications in an EEO case because they were not an attorney, only a representative. The Agency lost the case, theoretically in part because of the internal work product of the non-attorney representative. Man fuck the EEOC, fuck them.

Starting in January all the EEO cases are being moved to OGC. IF we have active bar licenses, we are allowed to apply for our jobs when they are posted to the public via USAJobs. There is no guarantee we will be selected, and OGC is known as fussy about their selections. I'm not sure if it is like other Agencies where they only hire you if you fit an emphasis program, have a connection, or went to an ivy league school. I've always tried to politic a little there, and hope I've made a good impression because...

The phase-out starts January 2017 and is currently estimated to take 1-2 years. When the EEO cases are removed, the Agencies are theoretically able to still do their own representation work in arbitration and MSPB appeals. I'm not convinced they'll be allowed to do that though, as I once litigated an arbitration grievance that resulted in a multi-million dollar settlement (once the scope was understood, OGC was linked in, and there was much scolding that something that big could happen without OGC - who, at the time, argued that I was fuckingamazeballs at the work and had it well under control). MSPB cases are easily as much of a liability as EEO cases, and some of those are "mixed" to cover EEO. I think the odds of this work remaining in the Agency are slim; if it does keep some of the work, there will be a lot less of it so staff would have to be reduced.

Sadly most of the people I worked with at OGC are gone and the connections have gone stale since that big multi-mil case.

Door #3 is if the work goes away and we don't find work elsewhere, we'll be placed within the organization somewhere. Sadly there are not a lot of non-supervisory GS-14s, and I'm too high up to take a 13 w/o a pay cut. Part of me likes the idea of having less responsibility at work.

In reality, there is no question what I'm doing: Applying for my job at OGC.
I always thought I'd wind up there, though lately I've wondered instead about doing management in this area in the Agency - with the work gone, that's not even possible. In theory I should be a shoe-in: I'm a bar-licensed attorney andthankfuck I kept my license active. If I get the job, it would likely start at my existing GS-14, rather than a promotion to the GS-15s they have (in fact my guess is they'll take "their own" and make them 15s based on the new staff members filling the lower ranks). The benefits there, besides money, are a much better support system, private offices, and working in the main building that I like. The downsides (besides not being selected at all) would be possibly lower pay (sometimes they only hire 9s and 11s to mold their own staff), possibly not offices as they increase in size, the main building is in a desert of places to eat, now that I moved that building is no longer in my metro line (transferring, oh no), losing a lot of the benefit of my 10 years of building my agency reputation, needing to dress more professionally, more reviews and monitoring of my work, a stuffier business climate, and hellish work politics. I've never applied for an OGC position in my part of gummint.

Oh and there's no gym nearby. With no gym near my home I'm going to lose a lot more time working out.

Last night we went to brew night at zoo lights, starting with a beer in my flashing-light tumbler from the brewer's art, and then cascading into today's hangover. I'm at Veronica's with her best friend crashed in the living room so I can't even salve myself with coffee. I suspect we'll all be hurtin'
vicarz: (Misfit doll)
I was watching that new to me but old fashion freak / naked ape video with the zombie stripper carwash...and thinking about objectification. Wendy dayglo hates the video as the music is base while the band are static boring men. Taking the music out of it, we inexplicably have a bunch of nondescript plain men being pursued and provoked by stunningly attractive (albeit dead) females. Men wear suits and sit in safety, while the borderline naked women spray themselves with water and soap, writhe, and otherwise make themselves terribly available, though these are unsafe women in an unsafe world.

I'm considered more progressive because while I was all about female objectification, I didn't just pursue attractive naked females - I sort of became one too.

I liked the image, the sexy person. I wanted to be the image, the sexy person. Perhaps that the easiest solution - just swap person for female, and heck for stripper while we're at it. It's just creepy that this diad is always sexygirl on display and the shopping for sexygirl. I mean we're supposed to recognize the power of the attractive female, but then the fact it's always one baiting and the other catching...that makes it creepy.

Objectification could work, be more consensual - or even fun - if it wasn't dictated by gender.
vicarz: (Wild Buttercup)
I'm mad at Psyche because I loved her post that was no-commented. Grr girl.

It's the day after thanksgiving, and for not-T-day I took my mom to Dukem on U Street for Ethiopian. She's never had it, and loved it, so that was fun and a win. Sadly she has a strong hand tremor and it may have been a bit messy. I've seen someone with bad tremors recently who has trouble eating - he's seeking medical intervention and mad it isn't working, but my mom just seems to accept it. That said, with the counters made of stone, and the floor still perpetually dirty from work boots, and my absence of opiod abuse, the visit is going far better than when she came down to take care of me post-surgery. Said another way, I'm focusing on spending time with her and not being an anal-retentive git.

House. I say house and it sounds like that movie...but I love house. I got heat just the week before she arrived, and we got the thermostat to turn off / regulate temperature rather than just stay on the day before she arrived. However, with all utilities now working properly - even fios? This place is amazeballs.

Some of the new happy comes from catching up with work and having time to spend here, and I got some major furniture shuffling and box unpacking done while mom's been here. I still may lose a shelving system and bookcase here or there, but more memory boxes are in the attic, the floor can be walked on and across instead of around in box-mazes. Sadly my office has gone from the most organized to the least, and somehow with the time to do un-boxing I haven't taken clothes off the drying racks.

I've even cleaned the bathrooms. You can sit on toilet seats with confidence - even in the powder room. All the switches are fixed in every room if you so choose.

I'm organizing the kitchen because...I'm using it enough for the locations to start to make sense.

Oh, I can BARELY hear that my mom is getting up, as I put insulation everywhere, so it's time to visit and chat with her while I provide her with press-coffee.

I'm happy. Veronica comes back today and we'll be able to spend time here and in her place with little inconvenience and NO PLANNING. I don't have to go to Arlington - and while it needs prepping and renting, it doesn't require daily work now. I don't have to figure out where I'm going to have my work stuff, food, and clothes between multiple locations. It's no longer an hour through rush hour stop and go, it's 10 minutes including parking.

hogawd and I've taken mom out to eat every day, just highlighting how everything is here. Thip Khao, Chuchos, Meridian, and then Dukem...and I live here. Whew. So the house is comparatively a castle (with less moving boxes but some to go) and it's in a fun part of town. Unreal, that this is my life, and it's just starting. Granted, this'll be normal to me in 3 weeks perhaps - but right now it's amazeballs.
vicarz: (Mech love)
I was in work travel this past week, and now I'm just fucking miserable. I'm mostly ignoring and commiserating in fb for real-time confusion, outrage, fear, and public commitments to action.
vicarz: (DL)
When I left the DOL-OFCCP, I was persecuted by a raging twatwaffle. I know I played a role in that, but even reflecting back some of the objective facts do show something was not quite right (such as insisting against my advice I take performance-based action, then overriding it because "it would look wrong for a white man to take action against a black woman)," giving out performance awards directly (while again, shadow having me give the bad news as if it was from me). I was pretty down on things when I left.

But I went to unnamed Agency, and while I was terrified when I saw how much discipline they issued over things that were not even considered misconduct in DOL, my hard work was rewarded and I adapted to the culture easily. I turned back into a happy and patriotic employee. Then I had another abusive twatwaffle and downturn...but it was never all bad, and I turned that around as well.

At unnamed Agency, I met an old coworker, frankly one I had an inappropriate crush on at DOL (I was a manager, she was my co-manager's subordinate). Now there was no barrier, but I was used to the barrier so I sort of maintained distance. Still, we were friends and more frank than average coworkers. I hung out with her when I worked in Beltsville, and she told me horrible stories about coworkers I liked and considered friends - things which, if true, would make me not want to be friends with them. Still, while I knew and trusted her, I knew and trusted the others. Lacking details I decided "not to decide" whether my friend was telling the truth or if my other friends were twatwaffles. Even so, my friend stayed negative, avoided people, and kind of spiraled into defensiveness and negativity until she left unnamed Agency. Her work and attendance suffered. Persecuted or not, she was not a good employee when she left. I got a rumble that she didn't do well in her new job either... that is my mystery. I work against mostly fuckups, people who disappear into the EEO complaint process routinely, moving from trying to work for reward to fighting perceived wrongs via the complaint system, withholding work, and looking for attacks. I work with the fuckups who don't believe they were discriminated against, but have no problem filing complaints hoping to hit the "eeo lottery" of rewards for technical violations or missing files etc. Understand - I'm the first to say there is discrimination, but sadly the people I see using the process -largely- are not victims 98% of the time (even the ones who believe they are vs. lying). So, I'm not sure I'm that different - I went negative and while I faced some problems - was it discrimination? If so, how much was that, and how much other things?

Most importantly - how did I get out of that mindset? How did I go from negative to so happy today? Why didn't my friend who went from the same environment to a similar environment? I lost touch with her when she left this job and withdrew from me (mostly).

If there is a most-valuable-thing I can do from my position - it's not defending taxpayers against the frivolous claims or even shutting down the abuse of the system. It's finding a way to flip the switch on people who have gone to a perspective of negativity and defensiveness into working for good, for a team, for the US of A, for their own ethics ... making things instead of defending and attacking perceived threats. That's the mystery I'd like to solve, and then communicate with behavioral results.

Those 1/10 or 1/100 freakshows cost a fortune in the bureaucracies I see.

However if I could get the right people using the system I could perhaps do more good than that. Every study that looks at resume or loan applications with sex/race information on them finds bias in how the same facts are rated based on the race/sex of the named applicant. I fear that the ninnies trying to score undeserved goods, thieves who intend to abuse the process, are not only causing direct harm via wasted resources - but preventing people who could file substantive claims, the kind that could lead to institutional change, from using the process as it was designed.
vicarz: (Wild Buttercup)
Do I tag this?

House: continues. Inspections are scheduled this week, starting today. I don't have heat.

2 days ago some asshat parked in my yard, and I tried to find out who it was, and then called parking enforcement (who didn't show). I put buckets in the way to show it was a no-go, but last night the same asshat parked blocking my backyard/driveway entirely. I left a sign warning next time I'd tow, but after an hour I yoinked the sign and called parking enforcement
(the first time I called police non-emergency, and they told me to call 911; the next time I called 911 and they said to call 311)
Despite warning me it would be at least 2 hours to report, within an hour a parking guy was writing a ticket for $30, and noted if I let him park in my yard that's $250! I said I hadn't been there for a while so some misunderstanding was believable, and I was just slowly letting folks know and would consider that for next time. I also talked him out of putting tickets on the 3 cars in the alley from my Jamaican neighbor who is super friendly (and parks behind my place sometimes, but always only when he's around to move them if needed).

I spent the night here last night in the hope of uninterrupted sleep as boo's been sick...but at 3am I woke to the pinging-vibrating work cell because I didn't understand the nagging reminder function or that it would go off so late. Fixing that, I returned to heat mind you...and a smoke alarm started the once-a-minute beep of dead battery warning. My ceilings are about 10' in the air...

I haven't unpacked squat. I have to be ready for moving the victorola, radio, and pinball machine tomorrow. I'm not.

I still lack time but can see and theory if not in sight. Maybe then I'll get back to being all reflective. I post a lot, and read/interact with, fb a lot - and it's great for feedback, but you can't archive like you can here. I like this place better but while I appreciate those who read, and write, it's not a great place for a wide range of feedback.
vicarz: (DL)
Counted and my trip home can be 4 hours: get there can take an hour (usually 30 mins), I spend around 2 hours there staring confused, not sure what to bring, wishing I had gotten rid of things I don't need (my lawsuit records from 1987!?), packing things in boxes, and loading my car to drive home again. The things i'm moving now are more of a challenge as I don't need them, so planning and motivating is far more challenging than getting kitchen items I need to make coffee or cookies. However, as Veronica pointed out, not doing so is depriving me of potential revenue. It sucks that my place might be ready for rent by...thanksgiving and xmas - not the best time to market. But that's 2k to 2500 in rent I'm not collecting.

Add in 2 hours in the gym and 8 hours at work, plus my commute, and that feeling I'm exhausted starts to make sense.

I'm not so much unpacking as getting things here. I'm worried about all this stuff here when I fear more work getting done here. The contractor hasn't been back since failing inspection Tues, so today I'll follow up. No heat. 2 closets not done hurts unpacking.

I'm oddly freaking out about unpacking. I don't know what goes where. When I moved 7ish years ago, it was easy - I moved from one place to the other and everything just went in the same room, the same place, just across the courtyard and upstairs. I lived here/there since 1995.

I also don't know where to put things, and what to do about decorations. I think I'm going to go with far less decorations - the disembodied legs with black tights and purple fishnets were great, but unless I string them with lights and make them a chandelier I'm not sure I really need them now. I don't want to cover the brick walls with bookcases, but it seems like every part of the house is a cabinet, brick wall, or radiator.

Coming home from a great club night to a the 1-a-minute smoke alarm dead battery beep SUCKED


Oct. 22nd, 2016 03:22 pm
vicarz: (I'm SO gawth!)
GF asked me if I was taking any friend time. I didn't even drink last night and stopped playing my game at 10:30. Today I basically got up, gamed through coffee and breakfast, gymmed, got beer at the new Ballston Total Bev, went to my house and packed another car full of shit, unloaded the shit without unpacking it, and took a shower, It's 3pm. I have to go to the cat for a while tonight.

I should go to the club tonight. Now that's harder because there are nothing but stop signs and lights between me and that part of town. We'll see how I feel, but my inclination is to have beer alone instead, play games, fall asleep at 11, and hit the gym tomorrow before packing more shit.
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