Jul. 6th, 2017

vicarz: (Default)
Is it bad that when I post I note I don't post anymore? It's just when I finally do, I'm stunned at how things have changed. I'm still crazy, in the sense that my emotions do not seem reasonably supported by circumstances, but they change my behavior far less than they used to, and I'm usually comfortable or just plan happy. I seem life functional so while I always like to improve, things seem good today.

Except for my perpetual state of first-world homelessness.

House update:
Contractor has gone radio silent, and with some nudging I issued an ultimatum/deadline which expired. I'm now waiting for the lawyer to contact me and start action. I had 6-8 people look at the job, but only 3 provided bids. I may not be able to afford both the bid-prices for the work and legal action.

The house issues are the constant source of relationship tension, that and how I get defensive when she is more driven than I am for action. I took the time to count how much money I lost in lost rent, but the emotional toll is immeasurable. I can't believe how incredibly I fucked this whole thing up.

Nothing exciting. I've gone from plain 5-3-1 to the big but boring reps game. I'm likely about to reset as I'm plateauing on squats and DL. Sadly this is only about my old weights, but I've been pushing myself for a long time. I watch form videos and read articles more than I used to.

I also look at old people and read a bit more about aging. I might be able to lift longer, but it's possible I'll lose the ability at some point. Running or other cardio work is an option, and probably healthier in many ways, but right now this is fun and working for me.

Oddly lifting is not social. You do it alone - also like running. But I tried for years to be social with boxing, and it went nowhere. Some people parlay athleticism into friends, but I have not been able to do that. However, I seem to appear muscular, and am still confident, so I have an easier time in casual social engagements from near-altercations on public transportation, to the reaction when I'm nice or smiling at people. I used to wonder how much of my interactions were based on my hair - now my shoulders. Meh.


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